since my dear and beloved jokes thread of 30 pages has disappeared,this new one will replace it.....
> >
> >here is something for you to laugh at...
> >
> >
> >Marriage (Part I)
> >
> >Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after
> the
> >wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I
> want,
> >if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle
> from
> >you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell
> you
> >that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,
> boozing
> >and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you
> give
> >me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
> >His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand
> that
> >there will be s*x here at seven o'clock every night . . .
> whether
> >you're here or not."
> >
> >DAMN SHE'S GOOD!
> >*******************************************************
> >Marriage (Part II)
> >
> >Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
> >wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm
> getting
> >you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As
> Ever.'"
> >"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
> that
> >reads, "Here Lies My Husband ? Stiff At Last.'"
> >
> >HE ASKED FOR IT!
> >*******************************************************
> >Marriage (Part III)
> >
> >Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the
> breakfast
> >table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good
> in
> >bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime he
> realizes
> >he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She
> comes
> >to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says,
> "What
> >took you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I was in
> bed." "In
> >bed this early, doing what?" "Getting a second opinion!"
> >
> >YUP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!
> >*******************************************************
> >Marriage (Part IV)
> >
> >A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He
> is so
> >proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of
> Six "
> >in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The
> man
> >decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his
> wife
> >is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,
> "Shall
> >we go home Mother of six?'" His wife, irritated by her
> husband's lack
> >of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father
> of
> >Four."
> >
> >RIGHT ON, LADY!
> >*******************************************************
> >
> >"God may have created man before woman but there is always a
> rough
> >draft before the masterpiece."
> >
> >here is something for you to laugh at...
> >
> >
> >Marriage (Part I)
> >
> >Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after
> the
> >wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I
> want,
> >if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle
> from
> >you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell
> you
> >that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,
> boozing
> >and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you
> give
> >me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
> >His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand
> that
> >there will be s*x here at seven o'clock every night . . .
> whether
> >you're here or not."
> >
> >DAMN SHE'S GOOD!
> >*******************************************************
> >Marriage (Part II)
> >
> >Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
> >wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm
> getting
> >you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As
> Ever.'"
> >"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
> that
> >reads, "Here Lies My Husband ? Stiff At Last.'"
> >
> >HE ASKED FOR IT!
> >*******************************************************
> >Marriage (Part III)
> >
> >Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the
> breakfast
> >table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good
> in
> >bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime he
> realizes
> >he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She
> comes
> >to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says,
> "What
> >took you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I was in
> bed." "In
> >bed this early, doing what?" "Getting a second opinion!"
> >
> >YUP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!
> >*******************************************************
> >Marriage (Part IV)
> >
> >A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He
> is so
> >proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of
> Six "
> >in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The
> man
> >decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his
> wife
> >is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice,
> "Shall
> >we go home Mother of six?'" His wife, irritated by her
> husband's lack
> >of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father
> of
> >Four."
> >
> >RIGHT ON, LADY!
> >*******************************************************
> >
> >"God may have created man before woman but there is always a
> rough
> >draft before the masterpiece."