Jokes thread......

[chipsncheese]

To prepare for his big date, the young man went on top of the roof
of his apartment building in order to get a little color for himself.
Not
wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.
Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and
managed to get sunburned on his "tool". Being very determined, the young

man decided not to miss his date because it was with a hot blonde. So,
he
put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze, feeling this
should resolve his painful situation. The blonde showed up for the date
at
his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home-cooked dinner,
after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the
movie, however, the young man's sunburned member started acting up.
After
several minutes of extreme discomfort, he asked to be excused. A friend
had
told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain so he
went
to the kitchen, and poured a tall, cold glass of milk. He then placed
his
sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief. The
blonde,
however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to find
him with his "Johnson" immersed in a glass of milk. With a look of
understanding the blonde exclaimed, "So, THAT'S how you load those
things".

 

[chipsncheese]

>>At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge Limerick
>>bloke - 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. He's having a few
>>beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man
>>walks in and sits eside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the
>>gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say
>>something to the big man. Leaning over, he cups his
>>huge ear. "Do you want a blow job?" he whispers. At
>>this, the massive Munsterman leaps up with fire in his
>>eyes and smacks the man in the face, knocking him off
>>the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of
>>the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the
>>car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had
>>happened. Amazed the bartender quickly brings over
>>another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says."Just what
>>did he say to you?" I'm not sure" the big Limerick man replies."
>>Something about a job."
>>
>>
>>
>>Q. If you see a Limerick man on a bicycle, why should
>>you never swerve to hit him?
>>
>>A: It might be your bicycle
>>
>>
>>
>>Q: What do you call a Limerick man in a three-bed
>>semi?
>>
>>A: A burglar
>>
>>
>>
>>Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Limerick?
>>
>>A: Because God couldn't find three wise men and a
>>virgin
>>
>>
>>
>>Q: What's the difference between a man from Limerick
>>and a coconut?
>>
>>A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut
>>
>>
>>
>>Q: What do you say to a Limerick man in a uniform?
>>
>>A: Big Mac and fries please
>>
>>
>>
>>Q: What's the first question at a Limerick pub quiz
>>night ?
>>
>>A: What you looking at?
>>
>>
>>
>>Q: What do you call a native of Limerick in a White
>>Shellsuit ?
>>
>>A: The Bride
>>
>>
>>
>>Q: Why does a river run through Limerick?
>>
>>A: Because if it walked, it would probably get mugged

 

[boru]

Whats invisible and smells of bananas?




Monkey fart

 

[PROClaimer]

why did people in afghanistan only listen to the radio?


















Because of the tellyban.



and no, i'm not gettin a fucking taxi. i'm gonna stay here till :evil: one of ye cunts laughs.

 

[mouldydrunk]

Ha HA, now get into the fuckin taxi pronto! :wink:

 

[PROClaimer]

TAXI!

 

[chipsncheese]

ive a very sick one here,i apologise for this now.

whats the best thing about flahing 27 yr olds???

there is 20 of them

 

[PROClaimer]

ive a very sick one here,i apologise for this now.

whats the best thing about flahing 2 7 yr olds???

there is 20 of them

ha ha fucking excellent my son. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

 

[What the Hell]

A man was trying to cross an extremely busy road one day. There was no hope that he was gonna get across. Another man comes up to him and says: "there's a zebra crossing around the corner". Man number 1 then says: "I hope he's having better luck then me!"

Hilarious!

 

[chipsncheese]

While I was "flying" down the road this morning (i.e., 10 mph over the
limit), I passed over a bridge only to find a garda siochalony with a radar
gun on the other side laying in wait. The garda pulled me over, walked up to
the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love,
asked, "What's your hurry?" To which I replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh
yeah," said the garda, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," I
responded. The garda stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what
does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," I said, "I start by inserting one
finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then
with my whole hand in I work side to side until I can get both hands in, and
then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 foot wide." "And just
what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" To which I politely replied,
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge....." Traffic Ticket:
EUR95.00 Court Costs: EUR45.00 The Look on that Garda's Face: PRICELESS!!! >