Jokes thread......

Teacher tells class make a sentence using the word dough. Little jane raises her hand "In Italy they make pizza using special dough".
"Very good" says teacher. Little mary raises her hand
"My brother makes dinosaurs out of . . . play dough".
"Excellent" says teacher. Little jake raises his hand . .
"Our mum says dad is a crap shag so she has to use a . .




dill dough"
 
A man is lying in bed in the hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young nurse appears to sponge his hands and feet.

"Nurse," he mumbles from behind the mask, "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, I'm only here to wash your hands and feet".

He struggles again to ask, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Finally, she pulls back the covers, raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in her other hand and takes a close look, and says "There is nothing wrong with them!"

Finally, the man pulls off his oxygen mask and replies, "That was very nice but, are... my... test... results... back?
 
Norrie jokes


How do you start an argument with a Norrie?
Speak!

What do you call a Norrie in a tastfully decorated house?
The burglar.

What do you call a Norrie in a white tracksuit?
The bride.

What do you say to a Norrie at work?
Can i have a big mac please?

What do Norrie use as protection during sex?
A bus shelter!

If you see a Norrie on a bike, why should you try not to run him over?
It might be your bike.

What's the difference between a Norrie and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

What's the first question at a Norrie quiz night?
"What you looking' at?"

Norrie in a car without any drum 'n' bass pumping on the stereo. Who's driving?
The police.

What do you call a Norrie in a suit?
The accused




Apologies to all Norries on here which is probably most of ye
 
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.

"Well, doc, it's like this - first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied, "Yep, The lid on the jar was to tight to open.
 
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