Jokes thread......

Wife's Diary:

Sat. 11th Sept. 2022
Jack came home this evening in a strange, unhappy mood. I really don't know why though, he just wouldn't tell me. I asked if he was O.K, but he just glumly replied "hmm". After an hour of silently sitting next to each other watching the telly, we decided to go to bed. We made love, but it wasn't the same as usual. He just didn't seem interested at all. Afterwards, he turned his back and went to sleep without saying a word to me. I cried myself silently to sleep. I think he has found another woman.

Man's Diary




Sat. 11th Sept.2022
Arsenal lost. Got a shag though.
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GOING to bed the other night, I noticed people in my shed stealing things. I phoned the Guards but was told “no one was in the area to help”
They said they would send someone over as soon as possible.

I hung up.

A minute later I rang again. 'Hello, I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don't have to hurry now, because I've shot them.'

Within minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, plus helicopters and an armed
response unit. They caught the burglars red-handed.

The lead Guard said: HEY 'I thought you said you'd shot them!!

To which I replied: 'I thought you said there was no one available.'
 
saw my next door neighbour in the garden this morning. "I could hear you having some very loud, wild sex last night," she smiled.

"You couldn't have," I replied. "I was working nights."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," she apologised, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Don't be sorry," I assured her. "Nights aren't that bad."
 
As I was getting ready for my date my mum asked "So where did you meet her?"
"On the internet" I told her.
"What, one of those dating sites?" She enquired
"Yeah, sort of" I mumbled.

"Aww that's sweet, so what's her name?" She asked me
"MahonSlut69" I said
 
Norrie jokes


How do you start an argument with a Norrie?
Speak!

What do you call a Norrie in a tastfully decorated house?
The burglar.

What do you call a Norrie in a white tracksuit?
The bride.

What do you say to a Norrie at work?
Can i have a big mac please?

What do Norrie use as protection during sex?
A bus shelter!

If you see a Norrie on a bike, why should you try not to run him over?
It might be your bike.

What's the difference between a Norrie and a coconut?
One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.

What's the first question at a Norrie quiz night?
"What you looking' at?"

Norrie in a car without any drum 'n' bass pumping on the stereo. Who's driving?
The police.

What do you call a Norrie in a suit?
The accused




Apologies to all Norries on here which is probably most of ye
Did you hear them at playschool?
 
EVENT GUIDE - HIGHLIGHT
Megatrad
Crane Lane Theatre, Phoenix St.

15th Feb 2025 @ 8:30 pm
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Cork Voices Of The Irish Revolution

St. Peters Cork, Tomorrow @ 10am

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