Jokes thread......

[Skybluebarry1]

My wife went camping when she was on her period and, unfortunately, attracted a bear.
She ripped the poor things head off.

I've just been given two weeks to live.

The wife's gone away for a fortnight.


I was lying in bed with my blonde girlfriend last night when she said, "I think my boobs are too small, I'm going to get a boob job."

"Hmm," I replied, "my hands are too small... what do you think I should do?"

"Do you want a hand job?"

She's a keeper.

My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!"






Guess who had to put the batteries in?




What do you call a woman with two cun.ts?

Mrs. Bruno Fernandes

 

[Handy Run]

 

[BillyMorganRuinedMyLife]

Two nudist philosophers were sitting naked on a park bench, chatting.

One asked the other “Have you read Marx ?”

The other replied “Yes, I do, it’s very annoying”

 

[Skybluebarry1]

An Irish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if
she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't
have a bath, although if she wanted one, she could use a tin bath in
front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman
filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to
see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her
husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the
back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for
yourself."

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife
asked:

"Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do
you have hair?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed
the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair
department.....very generously indeed.

The girl finished her bath and went to bed.

Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you
see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."

"Why are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough
before."

"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!"

 

[TheOutdoorThreadmill]

 

[TheOutdoorThreadmill]

https://www.tiktok.com/video/7364741448702397728

 

[Meridian]

 

[bluesball]

Man Utd looking for 55 million for Garnacho

 

[Stromovka]

 

[Skybluebarry1]

Friendship between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's ten best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's ten best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over and two claimed that he was still there.