Woman murdered in Tullamore..

Eleven spoke about asking a partner not to go to the pub. That in itself is not coercive control.

What you're describing is coercive control, but it's different to what she described.
Yes, but I think/assume Eleven miscontrued another poster when she raised that point, because I can't imagine anyone would think being asked once not to go to the pub was coercive control, it was obvious they meant this was a regular occurrence.
 
It starts out with asking. Not even teh most manipulative c*nt on the plantet is going to go full nuclear from the start of a relationship. They bide their time til there's investment (not necessarily money) in the relationship and bit by bit they escalate matters. It can begin with "Why don't you stay in on Saturday night and we'll watch tv together you can meet your pals another night" to "If you go out that door it'll be locked behind you, and don't you even think about waking me or the children. If your pals mean so much to you, why don't you stay with them instead". And there doesn't need to be any actual violence involved. "You think more of your pals than you do of me" kind of BS but it escalates - it naturally doesn't start like that otherwise the person would be told GTF
It does start day one and you don't notice. Abusers know who to target. If you are generally a nice person, you don't suspect someone else wants to control you. The funny thing, I can spot abusive behaviour a mile off with other couples. Nobody is really going to tell you to your face "you know you're being abused". The penny dropped with me randomly when I was chatting to a lad in work. I was explaining I was going away for the weekend on my own. He looked at me oddly. I had planned a trip, picked the dates based on his commitments and maybe a week before I was told, why the fuck would he want to go anyway. The look kind woke me up to what was really happening. It wasn't normal to be with someone for years and for them to refuse point blank to do something because you suggested it. I would like to think I was a strong independent woman that I still went, but it broke my heart because I knew my feelings were completely irrelevant to him. Still took me maybe 9 months to leave.
 

Hank Scorpio

Full Member
Yes, but I think/assume Eleven miscontrued another poster when she raised that point, because I can't imagine anyone would think being asked once not to go to the pub was coercive control, it was obvious they meant this was a regular occurrence.

Yup.

And it was explained at length why this type of controlling behavior is damaging.

There's far too much of an attitude in Irish society that men should just 'get on with it'.

You see that with the dismissive attitude of some posters.
 

Matlock

Full Member
Yes, but I think/assume Eleven miscontrued another poster when she raised that point, because I can't imagine anyone would think being asked once not to go to the pub was coercive control, it was obvious they meant this was a regular occurrence.
You cant imagine that? On the proc? Ah come on!
 

SoundMan

Full Member
Domestic violence way up during the pandemic. Woman (actress's voice and different name) on the radio this morning speaking about having had to take refuge in a shelter (there's 9 counties in the republic without a women's refuge - though men can get abused too) and her story was revealing.

She said the abuse didn't just happen overnight. It escalated, particularly after their baby was born. She was in an abusive relationship and finally mustered the courage to leave him. He haunted her at work and her family. Eventually she went back to him with their child because she had nowhere else to go. But the coercive control and mental abuse was so bad she wasn't allowed even go to the bathroom without leaving the door open! She finally left him again but the second time she was much better prepared, and knew where to go and what to expect.
She said that while the physical violence lasted a few minutes, mental violence could take much much longer to get over.
Nobody should have to put up with sh*t like that!
 
Domestic violence way up during the pandemic. Woman (actress's voice and different name) on the radio this morning speaking about having had to take refuge in a shelter (there's 9 counties in the republic without a women's refuge - though men can get abused too) and her story was revealing.

She said the abuse didn't just happen overnight. It escalated, particularly after their baby was born. She was in an abusive relationship and finally mustered the courage to leave him. He haunted her at work and her family. Eventually she went back to him with their child because she had nowhere else to go. But the coercive control and mental abuse was so bad she wasn't allowed even go to the bathroom without leaving the door open! She finally left him again but the second time she was much better prepared, and knew where to go and what to expect.
She said that while the physical violence lasted a few minutes, mental violence could take much much longer to get over.
Nobody should have to put up with sh*t like that!
It would be interesting to know if the fella involved saw similar carry on growing up, I have seen elderly couples where the wife
seems to know "her place"
 
a mate and I wer talking about this yesterday - she said if this had happened to her, she would be disgusted if her death was used to promote agendas not related to her death.. being used as a martyr.. like the way poor Aisling's was... good point - I hope Aisling is resting in peace after all the hysteria
 
Michael D attended a mass yesterday marking the anniversary of that poor woman from mongolia who
was beaten to death in North inner city Dublin,
 

Hank Scorpio

Full Member
Michael D attended a mass yesterday marking the anniversary of that poor woman from mongolia who
was beaten to death in North inner city Dublin,

Did he take the government jet?

I suppose he shampooed his two dogs on the way home too...


The robbing bar steward!!

iu
 

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