Woman murdered in Tullamore..

Hank Scorpio

Full Member
To be honest I'd say there is more behind it than that, especially if it happens on more than one occasion.

In a normal relationship I doubt anyone would ask someone not to go to the pub with their friends unless they had something else on she wished to do together or there was another valid reason.

I get the sense from some blokes I've met that when she asks them not to go out it is not quite as innocent as you make out, the inference is they will cop a shitload of grief after the event if they do venture out, if this becomes a regular occurrence I guess they eventually decide it is not worth the hassle and that's why they don't head out, there are no other words for this than coercive control albeit it is a more subtle way of doing it than compelling someone to do something.

100%.

Do as I want or there will be hell to pay.
 

Matlock

Full Member
To be honest I'd say there is more behind it than that, especially if it happens on more than one occasion.

In a normal relationship I doubt anyone would ask someone not to go to the pub with their friends unless they had something else on she wished to do together or there was another valid reason.

I get the sense from some blokes I've met that when she asks them not to go out it is not quite as innocent as you make out, the inference is they will cop a shitload of grief after the event if they do venture out, if this becomes a regular occurrence I guess they eventually decide it is not worth the hassle and that's why they don't head out, there are no other words for this than coercive control albeit it is a more subtle way of doing it than compelling someone to do something.
Eleven spoke about asking a partner not to go to the pub. That in itself is not coercive control.

What you're describing is coercive control, but it's different to what she described.
 

Matlock

Full Member
Took you long enough.


Asking someone to get milk isn't remotely comparable to telling them where they can go and who they can see. Quit with the nonsense comparisons.


Again making light or lessening the significance of controlling behavior because its being done to a man.


Standards, make yours a double.
Elevans post said nothing about telling anyone to do anything...

It isnt remotely about gender. It is about you reading the word " asking" and inferring " demanding"
 

Hank Scorpio

Full Member
Elevans post said nothing about telling anyone to do anything...

It isnt remotely about gender. It is about you reading the word " asking" and inferring " demanding"

How's about you reply to what I'm saying rather than backtracking.

What I was talking about was clear. You felt it something to make light of.
 
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Matlock

Full Member
How's about you reply to what I'm saying rather than backtracking.

What I was talking about was clear. You felt it something to make light of.
You jumped on elevan's post and misconstrued it.

Coercive control is not something to be made light of. Soneone pretending that asking a partner to do something is equivalent to coercive control is.

You're clearly short of something to do for the afternoon, but I am not. Have a good one.
 

SoundMan

Full Member
I don't doubt women are also abusers, but to suggest coercive control is asking a partner to not go to the pub you're completely missing the point. To have someone destroy any self-confidence you had, spend your time trying to avoid conflict, putting their needs before your own, contradicting what you know to be true, being anxious and being disgusted by your own body. In the best case scenario you eventually can get the strength to walk away, but the damage is done. I was aware what he was doing and spent years trying to explain exactly how he was damaging me. Counselling definitely helped and having my family and friends there to support me. I don't hide what happened to me. I wouldn't want my worst enemy to go through that, so if some randomer on Twitter wants people to report this behaviour, go ahead.

Fair dues to you for posting that Eleven and very sad to read that you'd been through such torment .
 

SoundMan

Full Member
Elevans post said nothing about telling anyone to do anything...

It isnt remotely about gender. It is about you reading the word " asking" and inferring " demanding"
It starts out with asking. Not even teh most manipulative c*nt on the plantet is going to go full nuclear from the start of a relationship. They bide their time til there's investment (not necessarily money) in the relationship and bit by bit they escalate matters. It can begin with "Why don't you stay in on Saturday night and we'll watch tv together you can meet your pals another night" to "If you go out that door it'll be locked behind you, and don't you even think about waking me or the children. If your pals mean so much to you, why don't you stay with them instead". And there doesn't need to be any actual violence involved. "You think more of your pals than you do of me" kind of BS but it escalates - it naturally doesn't start like that otherwise the person would be told GTF
 

MerchantOfEnnis

Full Member
The first girlfriend I ever lived with was fairly controlling. I had to come straight home after work and I wasn't allowed to head out on my own. I once had to pretend I got landed with a late shift at work so I could watch Ireland v Sweden in a pub.
 

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