Jokes thread......

[Great-Bit-O-Stuff]

 

[Meridian]

 

[MrFrisp]

 

[Skybluebarry1]

A prostitute told me I could have sex for £10 as she didn't have a womb !!
I asked how we would do it then.

She said 'acwos the woad against the wailings'...

 

[Skybluebarry1]

Once upon a time, a man asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl
said, 'NO!'

The man lived happily ever after, rode motorcycles, went fishing and
hunting and played golf.
Drank beer and whiskey, had tons of money in the bank, left the toilet
seat up, and farted whenever he wanted.



Just got back from my work's staff do.

Lots of good music..they played 'jump' and I jumped.. they played 'the twist' and I twisted, then they played 'Come on Eileen'

And i spent 6 months in prison.

 

[Skybluebarry1]

Bloke walks into a North London brothel and tells the Madam: "I'm a bit kinky - and into total humiliation. What's on offer ?"
Madam replies;
"For 60 Pounds, you can have a green floppy hat and an i love you Spurs shirt"

 

[Great-Bit-O-Stuff]

 

[Great-Bit-O-Stuff]

 

[Skybluebarry1]

I woke up this morning at 8 and I just knew something was wrong. Got downstairs and my Wife was face down on the Kitchen floor, not breathing.

I was in an utter panic, didn't know what to do!

Then I remembered McDonald's serve breakfast until 10:30.

 

[Skybluebarry1]

There was this Spanish guy, this Korean guy and this Russian guy all working for the same construction company.
At the beginning of the day the boss comes out and says to the Spanish guy, "You're in charge of the cement."
Then he said to the Russian guy, "You're in charge of the dirt."
Then he said to the Korean guy, "You're in charge of the supplies."

Then he said, "I'm gonna be back at the end of the day to check on your work. It better be good or you're fired." So they all go off to go get their work done.
At the end of the day, the boss comes back to check on their work. He looks at the big pile of cement and goes, "Good work," to the Spanish guy.
Then he looks at the big pile of dirt and says, "Good work," to the Russian guy.

Then he couldn't find the Korean guy so he asks, "Where the heck is the Korean guy?"
All of a sudden, the Korean guy jumps out from behind the big pile of dirt and yells,

SUPPLIES!"