Jokes thread......

[PussyinBoots]

I have this friend, love him to bits, but his wife has a tendency of just constantly showing everyone pictures of their son at every social event.

At the start it was understandable, but now I'm just like 'Lady, it's been two years; they're not going to find him.'"

That's genuinely bad. It's making fun of people that have lost loved ones.

 

[Lee Bushwacker]

I have this friend, love him to bits, but his wife has a tendency of just constantly showing everyone pictures of their son at every social event.

At the start it was understandable, but now I'm just like 'Lady, it's been two years; they're not going to find him.'"

?
Not funny Mattie.

 

[SoundMan]

Three guys travelling in an old-style railway compartment.

One says to his pal "Patrick, do you mind if I fart?" "Not at all Maurice, you go right ahead". Third guy just looks at them, says nothing, doesn't hear a fart but from the smell a moment or two later realises that someone's definitely farted.

A little later in their journey, Patrick asks "Maurice, do you mind if I fart?"
"Not at all Patrick you go right ahead". Again there's no sound but there's an ensuing smell


Finally the third guy (we'll call him Michael) says "Listen lads, I've endured your farts and I badly need to let one rip myself. Would it be ok with ye if I fart"

"No problem, go right ahead. It's only fair"

With that Michael left out a rasping fart the sound of which could be heard throughout the carriage. Whereupon Patrick turned to Maurice and said.......


















"Oh look Maurice - a virgin"

 

[sigourney's knickers]

?
Not funny Mattie.

Shut up.

Dark humour at its finest.

 

[Great-Bit-O-Stuff]

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man..
The first woman said 'Have you ever had a hug?'
The man said 'No', so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said 'Have you ever had a kiss?'
The man said 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third really beautiful woman who was Scottish came up to him and said,
'Have you ever been f**ked?' The fellow said 'No.'
She smiled and said, 'You will be when the tide comes in.'

 

[Great-Bit-O-Stuff]

 

[sigourney's knickers]

View attachment 12428

Now, that is fucking funny.

 

[Lee Bushwacker]

Shut up.

Dark humour at its finest.

???

 

[Dr. Aaoouh]

Happy Saturday.

 

[Lee Bushwacker]

Happy Saturday.

?
Nasty ?!