Jokes thread......

A guy goes to Lourdes in a wheelchair they put him in the water low and behold a miracle the two punctures in the wheels were fixed.

True story.

My very close cousin has debilitating cerebral palsy since birth. Wheelchair bound and limited movement.

Constant joke : Why don't you do it yourself? All cry:

Because you can't!

How the hell she made it to her 50's is a warm testament to her elderly parents.
 

Meridian

Full Member
One day, little jonny asked his mom what sex was.
"Tonight, go into your sister's room, hide behind the curtain, and watch what she and her boyfriend do.
The following morning, jonny's mom asked what happened.
Little jonny explained "well at first, they were just kinda talking and laughing, but after a while they started kissing and hugging, sister got a fever, cuz she said she was feeling hot.
So sister's boyfriend put his hand under her shirt to find her heart, just like the doctor would.
Except he's not so smart because both of them got sick and they started panting and getting all out of breath.
His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt.
About this time sis got worse and began to moan and sigh, and squirm around and slide to the end of her bed. then i finally found out what was making them sick - a big eel had gotten inside her boyfriend's pants somehow.
It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long! anyways he grapped it in one hand to keep it from getting away.
When sis saw it, she got really scared - her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling to God and stuff like that.
She said it was the biggest one she had ever seen, I should tell her about the ones by the lake, anyway sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off.
All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and tried to keep it from biting again.
Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it, and the boyfriend helped by lying on top of the eel.
The eel put on a heck of a fight. Sis started moaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.
After a while, they both stopped moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough they had killed the eel!
I knew because it just hung there and also because some of its insides were dripping out.
Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to the bed anyway!
He started hugging and kissing her again! by golly, the eel wasn't dead!It jumped straight up and started to fight again.
I guess eels are like cats-they have nine lives or something like that. this time, sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it.
After a 35 minute struggle they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead because I saw sis boyfriend peel it's skin off and flush it down the toilet!"
Little jonny's mom fainted
 
One day, little jonny asked his mom what sex was.
"Tonight, go into your sister's room, hide behind the curtain, and watch what she and her boyfriend do.
The following morning, jonny's mom asked what happened.
Little jonny explained "well at first, they were just kinda talking and laughing, but after a while they started kissing and hugging, sister got a fever, cuz she said she was feeling hot.
So sister's boyfriend put his hand under her shirt to find her heart, just like the doctor would.
Except he's not so smart because both of them got sick and they started panting and getting all out of breath.
His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt.
About this time sis got worse and began to moan and sigh, and squirm around and slide to the end of her bed. then i finally found out what was making them sick - a big eel had gotten inside her boyfriend's pants somehow.
It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long! anyways he grapped it in one hand to keep it from getting away.
When sis saw it, she got really scared - her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling to God and stuff like that.
She said it was the biggest one she had ever seen, I should tell her about the ones by the lake, anyway sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off.
All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and tried to keep it from biting again.
Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it, and the boyfriend helped by lying on top of the eel.
The eel put on a heck of a fight. Sis started moaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.
After a while, they both stopped moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough they had killed the eel!
I knew because it just hung there and also because some of its insides were dripping out.
Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to the bed anyway!
He started hugging and kissing her again! by golly, the eel wasn't dead!It jumped straight up and started to fight again.
I guess eels are like cats-they have nine lives or something like that. this time, sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it.
After a 35 minute struggle they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead because I saw sis boyfriend peel it's skin off and flush it down the toilet!"
Little jonny's mom fainted
😂
 

Meridian

Full Member
Stanley the healthy sperm worked out & exercised while the other sperm just lazed about in the ball bag. Why? Stanley wanted to be the 1st sperm to the egg & he would live on you see
:p

So when the time "came" Stanley was a way out in front swimming like fuk leaving the rest of the sperm in his trail.
When they approached the last bend they met Stanley swimming back towards them frantically
"Stanley! What are you doing?"

"Back to fuk lads! It's only a Blow-Job!" :pac:
 
Stanley the healthy sperm worked out & exercised while the other sperm just lazed about in the ball bag. Why? Stanley wanted to be the 1st sperm to the egg & he would live on you see
:p

So when the time "came" Stanley was a way out in front swimming like fuk leaving the rest of the sperm in his trail.
When they approached the last bend they met Stanley swimming back towards them frantically
"Stanley! What are you doing?"

"Back to fuk lads! It's only a Blow-Job!" :pac:

Ah.... Decades old.

But lol.
 

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