Chatgpt wrote me a sketch of Francis and Jesus smoking dope in heaven.
Alright, here we go—a short sketch: “Holy Smokes: Pope Francis and Jesus in Heaven”
[Setting: A cloud-top balcony outside Heaven’s gates. A golden ashtray shaped like a halo rests on a marble table. A comfy armchair sits under a vine-covered pergola. Jesus and Pope Francis are kicking back.]
Jesus:
("Takes a long puff and exhales into a halo-shaped smoke ring")
You know, Frank, I gotta say—you shook things up down there.
Pope Francis:
("Chuckles, holding a celestial blunt wrapped in pages from unused Vatican paperwork")
I tried. I figured, if you could flip tables in a temple, I could flip a few mindsets.
Jesus:
You almost had the bishops praying for a return to Benedict.
("Laughs")
But I liked your style—simple, honest, kind.
Pope Francis:
I never wore the red shoes. I liked my old scuffed ones.
("Shrugs")
God’s more impressed with footprints than fashion statements.
Jesus:
Preach.
("Raises his joint in a mock toast")
To the poor, the meek, and the misunderstood.
Pope Francis:
("Raises his own")
And to the divine mystery of why people keep thinking you're white.
Jesus:
("Snorts")
Man, wait until they find out I'm lactose intolerant and hate sandals.
[They both laugh. A dove flies by and drops off a bowl of ambrosia nachos.]
Jesus:
Want to bless these?
Pope Francis:
("Smiles")
Already done. We’re in Heaven—everything’s pre-blessed.
[They clink their joints together like glasses and take another hit as harp music gently fades in.]
Want to continue it? Add some surprise guests like Bob Marley or Mother Teresa showing up?
