Are Printers Deliberately Designed to Be Langers?

30th Oct 2026

Despite huge advances in computing power, internet speeds and software, printers are still profoundly stupid. Almost suspiciously so. 

New research shows that graduate electronic engineers who receive the lowest grades in their class are sent to the printer industry where they ‘contribute’ to the design of new products as well as working on software upgrades for existing printers. 

“It’s basically the eegits who were on the piss for four years that we encourage into the printer industry,” said a source at UCC’s School of Engineering, “if they got into cybersecurity or serious electronics they could do way too much damage”.  

Combining half-baked knowledge of programming languages like C++ and a love of afternoon pints in Cissie Youngs, their crappy code results in users becoming slowly frustrated with their printers over time. 

“Have you ever pressed print and the printer spends an ever-increasing amount of time making busy sounding noises and then goes mysteriously silent without printing? That’s actually the sound of someone NOT being electrocuted by their new phone. It’s someone not having their online banking hacked.” 

So should users fire their printers out a window in extreme frustration while roaring ‘you absolutely fucking stupid fucking langball’? 

“That’s exactly what the industry would like you to do – feck it out and buy a new one. If they sold you a printer that just did exactly what it’s supposed to do all the time then it would put them out of business.” 

So if you only want to print in black and white and it’s asking for more magenta. You’ve no choice really. Give it the stupid fucking magenta.