Ryanair Set To Officially Recognise ‘Passengers’

18th Dec 2017

Internal memo suggests Ryanair may change the way customers are referred to from ‘vile ungrateful scum’ to ‘vile ungrateful human scum’

The revelation that Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary has finally agreed to deal with trade unions to resolve a dispute with its pilots has given hope to rumours that Ryanair may now also decide to recognise passengers too.  

This will involve changing internal Ryanair protocol where passengers, currently classed as “vile ungrateful scum”, will instead be referred to as “vile ungrateful human scum”.

The decision is not just symbolic and could lead to Ryanair dealing with passengers face to face in a civil manner.  

“Passengers may even see the attitude of staff change”, said a industry expert, “if your flight is cancelled last minute O’Leary may start to allow workers to show sympathy to stranded passengers – possibly going as far as even helping them or not telling them to 'just fuck off out of it'”.