Fianna Fáil Candidate Admitted to CUH with Brassneck

18th Feb 2016

A Fianna Fáil election candidate has been admitted to Cork University Hospital with a suspected brass neck after pledging to rid Ireland of corruption and bad economic management.

The politician was attending a pre-election debate in west Cork yesterday afternoon where he made the comments and collapsed shortly afterwards. It is understood that the man’s neck had swelled to over three times the average for a fat wealthy middle-aged man.

A party spokesman said that the campaign of collective amnesia being implemented by the party had been going particularly well and this was the first major he was aware of.

“We brought the country to its knees but the pubic are still swallowing most of our hypocritical bullshit”, he stated, “but some of our lads are probably pushing it a bit too much in fairness.”
 

"Keep a straight face lads, they're buying it and we're nearly there"

It is understood that many Fianna Fáil politicians are coming under increasing pressure from their property developer patrons to get back into government as they are currently unable to build housing schemes on swamps.

“There are good Fianna Fáil supporters who snapped up low lying flood-plains all over this country during the tiger that have had no chance of getting planning for housing estates on them over the last five years”, said the spokesperson, “we need to address that injustice”.

The Cork politician is said to be stable but his neck flares up every time he tweets form his hospital about “the disgraceful lack of funding” for the health service.

His condition was described as being “stuck in a self-perpetuating cycle of hypocritical horseshit”.

A bit like his country.