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I'm sick of talking. And even more sick of listening. Surely, there's a better way. Lay that shit on me, m8s. (the ideas like, not actual shit)

I'm going chipper tonight, m8s. Gonna get gansta on a bit of cod with beer batter. Anyone have the recipe for some good old Oirish chipper pies? Potato, onion, thyme, salt pepper, I presume? What's the best way of ensuring that the batter stays on the potato? Should they be pre-fried before...

Drop her off at the shops with a big wad of notes. What is it about women and shopping? Does it stem from the cave times when women would go out gathering roots and shrubs and handbags and come back well pleased with themselves? I suppose it's a good thing as it supports a rake of jobs but I...

Would you be a conservative regarding the christmas turkey? As in, the full turkey incl. stuffing into the oven for 3 hours? Turkey is a pretty dry bird. I usually prefer my turkey the way I prefer de mange's oul lade. Boned and rolled.

M8s, the slopes are off the charts this year. There's snow everywhere. Even in scummy places like Davos and Zug. Where are you off to this season? Oh, the whimsical japes we had on the weekend. My friend Binky made shit of the rotor on his helicopter. LOL.

Women have me destroyed. Jack the Ripper job. The vagina giveth and the madness taketh away. Discuss, using adverbs and cunning linguals.

https://www.rte.ie/news/2018/1214/1017229-jackson-olding-court-costs/ Unanimously acquitted but still have to pay for their defense. How does that work? Somebody accuses you of one of the worst possible things, the police bring you to court, you are acquitted but have to pay a couple of...

1 dead, 3 injured so far.

أي خطط لبعض المجارف هذا المساء؟

I put a pair of thermal socks on there and went to bed with them on. By golly, the feet were roasting. Having cold feet is an awful bollix of a scene. Hot feet is where it's at, m8s.

I never needed anyone. And making love was just for fun. Those days are GONE.

Here, I’m looking there for depressing messages to put in a card. Something along the lines of: “You had a good enough innings, mate, but that was your lot now” Or “you were a good looking woman back in the day and you had a lot of rod – relax now there willa and leave the wrinkles and...

This is a follow on from a particularly dark couple of days. I won't get into the details - suffice to say, a magistrate is going to be involved and a lot of money of going to move from one bank account to another bank account. Have you ever wittingly or unwittingly (yeah, me hole, Mick)...

Translated from some piece of whatsapp ball of shit this morning: "the beauty of life is waking up every morning with a smile in your eyes and love in your heart" This text was superimposed on a background of a bunch of roses and there were a few red hearts on it. I feel nothing but utter...

Any ideas? We could get pointY to be our man on the ground. A sort of blockchain ENFORCER. I'm not talking about bitcoin of that sort of bollocksology either, m8s. I'm talking about pure blockchain here. Blockchain as pure as driven snow. The REAL DEAL.

What are you planning? Will you stay in Ireland? Will you head off to the sun? Have you hobbies and stuff? Will your pension be enough for you? Are you planning to stay with your current partner during your retirement? Or are you planning for a bit of peace and fucking quiet? Talk now mates -...

Has anyone applied for these? I did last week and the money (a hefty 20 snots) was taken from my credit card. Still no sign of it - and no word either from the fuckin sloths at the HSE. I advised them there via email that I am in the process of denouncing my Irish citizenship and need the...

The librarian in the tears for fears head over heels song: I had a german girlfriend who looked like her years ago. WB. She had lovely lips on her. Lovely altogether.

Remember the company siteserve? Remember how Denis O'Brien bought (for a fierce fair price) it from IBRC (ex Anglo Irish Bank)? I.e from you, the Irish taxpayer. If you don't remember, here is a link to remind you about Siteserve and other small snippets of information...

M8s, after a period of reflection in a lodge in the Alps on Sunday, I have come to the conclusion that my very favourite Rick Astley song - among a lot of excellent offerings from Rick - is: Whenever You Need Somebody: BeyEGebJ1l4 It's a great song. And Rick is a great bloke. What's your...