Sinn Féin to Buy New Calculator Watch as Adams ‘Delighted With Overall Majority’

Posted on Feb 28, 2016 in News

 
 

Sources close to Sinn Féin have said they plan to buy a new calculator watch as a gift to party president Gerry Adams as well as rehiring his old primary school teacher as an advisor in the wake of their leader’s performance in the run up to the general election.  

The Louth TD’s grasp of maths and economics was in the spotlight in the run up to the general election as he was grilled by several radio and TV presenters about where his party would find money for the plans outlined in their manifesto.

At the count centre in Drogheda on Saturday night Mr. Adams praised his party’s candidates and their supporters.

“With over fifteen seats we now have an overall majority and are delighted to be able to form a government on our own”, said Mr. Adams before being called aside by an advisor and having the maths explained to him.

 

Adams will be able to use his new calculator during debates in the Dáil and on TV and radio


Unable to answer questions during the election campaign, including basic addition and subtraction, Adam’s ability to manage the country’s finances were put in doubt. Many pundits attribute his shaky maths to the opening of a previously narrow gap between his party and rival opposition party Fianna Fáil.

In addition Mr. Adam’s former maths teacher Bernie MacGiolla has been hired as a consultant to help the party with basic addition and subtraction.  
 

It's maths time


“Mr. MacGiolla will also be tasked with helping our good republican friend Mr. Slab Murphy to calculate his taxes correctly”, said a Sinn Féin source, “it’s just a question of simple arithmetic.”

With at least another five years ahead of them on the opposition benches Sinn Féin TDs are encouraging Mr. Adams to return to compete the first and second class syllabuses to allow him to compete with other party leaders on economic matters.

It is understood that the new calculator will travel with Mr. Adams wherever he goes on party business as it fits neatly in the same pocket in which he used to carry his gun.

 
Dollar and Euro Plummet Against Toilet Roll

Dollar and Euro Plummet Against Toilet Roll

In another disastrous day of trading in currency markets worldwide both the euro and dollar have plummeted against the toilet roll.

Read More

PROC’s Lockdown Survival Tips For Exhausted Parents

PROC’s Lockdown Survival Tips For Exhausted Parents

Running out of ideas and sanity quickly during the lockdown? Next time you get more than 25 seconds to yourself, read our top tips to not having your children taken from you by the High Court....

Read More

Corona Virus and Carbon Footprint: More Reasons To Never Leave Cork

Corona Virus and Carbon Footprint: More Reasons To Never Leave Cork

Even if you don't believe in climate change or you just don't give a hoot, your carbon footprint and the Chinese snots are great excuses to stay in Cork

Read More

A List For Mick

A List For Mick

We are being softened up for a Fianna Fáil/Fine Gael coalition so it's a good time to make a list of what Cork expects if Micheál Martin becomes Taoiseach...

Read More

How a United Ireland Could Herald A People’s Republic

How a United Ireland Could Herald A People’s Republic

If Nordies are to be persuaded to vote to join a country that is Europe's most capital-centric nation, then the Republic's toxic Dublin bias must be eradicated....

Read More

 
 

Advertising

 
tempobet giriş tipobet giriş tipobet tempobet kredi notu picrt.com bets10 giriş