Sinn Féin to Buy New Calculator Watch as Adams ‘Delighted With Overall Majority’

Posted on Feb 28, 2016 in News

 
 

Sources close to Sinn Féin have said they plan to buy a new calculator watch as a gift to party president Gerry Adams as well as rehiring his old primary school teacher as an advisor in the wake of their leader’s performance in the run up to the general election.  

The Louth TD’s grasp of maths and economics was in the spotlight in the run up to the general election as he was grilled by several radio and TV presenters about where his party would find money for the plans outlined in their manifesto.

At the count centre in Drogheda on Saturday night Mr. Adams praised his party’s candidates and their supporters.

“With over fifteen seats we now have an overall majority and are delighted to be able to form a government on our own”, said Mr. Adams before being called aside by an advisor and having the maths explained to him.

 

Adams will be able to use his new calculator during debates in the Dáil and on TV and radio


Unable to answer questions during the election campaign, including basic addition and subtraction, Adam’s ability to manage the country’s finances were put in doubt. Many pundits attribute his shaky maths to the opening of a previously narrow gap between his party and rival opposition party Fianna Fáil.

In addition Mr. Adam’s former maths teacher Bernie MacGiolla has been hired as a consultant to help the party with basic addition and subtraction.  
 

It's maths time


“Mr. MacGiolla will also be tasked with helping our good republican friend Mr. Slab Murphy to calculate his taxes correctly”, said a Sinn Féin source, “it’s just a question of simple arithmetic.”

With at least another five years ahead of them on the opposition benches Sinn Féin TDs are encouraging Mr. Adams to return to compete the first and second class syllabuses to allow him to compete with other party leaders on economic matters.

It is understood that the new calculator will travel with Mr. Adams wherever he goes on party business as it fits neatly in the same pocket in which he used to carry his gun.

 
National Development Scam - Why Cork Will Never Get Its Fair Share Under Dublin Rule

National Development Scam - Why Cork Will Never Get Its Fair Share Under Dublin Rule

The ERSI have produced another report saying Dublin is a dump and it shouldn't hog the country's resources but nothing will change because of one hidden line in the report...

Read More

CITY EXPANSION: Culchie’s Guide To Becoming a City Head - Part Tureeee

CITY EXPANSION: Culchie’s Guide To Becoming a City Head - Part Tureeee

How to get the most from your compo claim! Plus read our guide on the best corners to ignorantly leave bags of rubbish once your gaf becomes part of the city...

Read More

CITY EXPANSION: Culchie’s Guide To Becoming a City Head - Part Tuoooo

CITY EXPANSION: Culchie’s Guide To Becoming a City Head - Part Tuoooo

How often will you be mugged when your area becomes part of the city? And will you still be able to have ten pints and drive home after dropping your kids off to school?

Read More

CITY EXPANSION: Culchie’s Guide To Becoming a City Head - Part Wan

CITY EXPANSION: Culchie’s Guide To Becoming a City Head - Part Wan

If you're terrified by the prospect of the city boundary expanding into your peaceful rural bliss read our guide...

Read More

New Year’s Resolutions for the Corkman

New Year’s Resolutions for the Corkman

Take a moment to see how you can bring your Corkonianism to the next level with our top 10 new year's resolutions...

Read More

 
 

Advertising