Finance News: Regulator to Approve 130 Year Mortgages

29th May 2025

The financial regulator is to allow banks to sell 130 year mortgages in another effort to stem Ireland’s housing crisis and soaring property prices. The new ‘product’ is to be launched next week by a gathering of government and bank chiefs.

Senior economists at the Central Bank have said there’s no other way to fix the supply issue other than to load debt on to the younger generation and to pay the eye-watering prices demanded by builders. These new mortgage products will mean that loan costs for housing will be legally passed on to the children and grand-children of those who buy them.

It will also allow for the sale of buyers’ bodies for medical research or animal feed to help pay off outstanding amounts. Mortgage companies are also hopeful that the regulations will allow for home owners’ adult children to be sold into slavery to literally “work down the principal”.

“It looks like we can’t build enough houses and or do anything at all about inward migration pressures so the best thing to do is to place the burden on a demographic that people like me are not in”, said a spokesperson for the Central Bank at a badly attended press conference in a bland hotel meeting room in somewhere in Dublin city centre with people sleeping in doorways outside.

“This provides an equitable and fair solution that something-something-something supply-chain issues…lads if ye don’t mind filling in the blanks yourselves with the usual PR shite we come out with, I’ve a flight to Brussels there so I need to go”.

Housing minister James Browne said he was looking forward to seeing the positive effect on the housing market that the new 130-year loan schemes would have on the economy, particularly any additional money that property developers would spend on party donations.