PRCs Guide to Oxegen

9th Jul 2004

Peoples Republic Of Cork's Guide to Oxegen

Music festivals like Oxegen are basically Ireland's answer to Lark by the Lee. Kind of..it's a mixure of that and important GAA Championship matches where the national anthems are the main attraction. It goes on for two days (the festival that is not Amhr·n na bhFiann) and you can live there for the weekend whilst being forced to mingle with people from other counties.including Dubliners.

Despite this unpleasant factor of being near Dublin music festivals like Oxegen are pure daycint though. There's tunes everywhere and thousands of feens and beors chillin' out without any law men breathing down your neck.

Speaking of Dubs, security for your kit at Oxegen is paramount. If you have a tent don't assume thieves won't just open (or slash) your tent and take stuff from inside. Keep all your grade on you all the time. Leave your credit card in Cork and bring a rake of grade and put it in a money belt that should be tied to your person on Friday and shouldn't be removed (or have its stock examined!) until Monday morning.

If you bring your hooch wagon you can also sleep in the car park if you can get away with it. Blacked out windows essential in case some other feen sees your Winnie the Pooh pyjamas and you sucking your thumb like a baba.

DE MUSIC You don't have to be a big music head to enjoy the weekend - you can still enjoy the daycint buzz. When you approach the gates of the venue don't be worried if you can't confirm whether the band on the stage are playing post-modern glam rock or new age urban breaks.

If you're unsure about what category the band falls into try this: observe the drummer - if he raises his sticks above shoulder level to hit a drum that is located at his waist level then you are watching a rock band. You'll know its dance music if there are more than 3 in every 10 feens with their tops off swinging them in the air and looking overly friendly. If the band members look over-35 category they are probably legends and you should stay put - wondering away to yourself what all the fuss is about.

Mangle!
Food is the job cos it keeps you going like. Bring your own mangle if possible for two reasons. One, because festival prices apply - meaning a plain digestive biscuit will knock you about ?150. Two, because at least you know what's in the food you've prepared yourself!

Top tip: always let other feens and old dolls in PRC t-shirts or other Cork regalia join you in the queue. It'll pay later on when your bursting later on in the toilet queue and you spot a Corkonian 100 places ahead.

Toilets
This is probably the worst part of any music festival. Hundreds of portaloos are scattered all over the shop in groups of 30-40. Queuing is orderly at the start of each day but as the evening rolls on and bladders are put under more pressure courtesy goes out the window.

Whatever about queuing the experience once inside the door of the portaloo can be traumatising. Filthy soggy toilet tissues mashed into the walls, the heavy smell of you-know-what sprinkled everywhere and non-functioning flushes are the distain of every festival punter and the fear of having to return must surely reduce drink sales significantly. This is one time where men are glad to be able to do what they do from a height. Sorry girls!

Top tips: bring your own bog roll (and hand wipes if you have them) and there's posh toilets inside the Dance Arena that don't get busy until about 6pm. Don't tell anyone else!

Weather
Kildare is in the Greater Dublin area which is a significantly closer to the arctic circle than Cork therefore you can expect a temperature drop. We've probably had our summer at this stage and while the weather doesn't look too bad for the weekend there's a fair chance "some scattered showers" could actually mean "some scattered dry spells". This is Ireland. Bring rain gear, warm gear and sun block. All possibilities covered.

If its manky Punchestown will be reduced to a mud bath under the hooves of tens of thousands of music fans.

Top tip: bring sandals and wellies.


Cork Acts
What impact will Cork have at the festival this year? Be sure to see at least one of the four Cork acts that will be spread out over three different stages. Simple Kid will play the Green Stage on Saturday, Cartoon will play the Spirit Dance Arena on Saturday and Sunday, Rulers of the Planet play the New Band Stage on Saturday and Waiting Room play the same stage on Sunday. For the on-going revival of Cork's music scene its important for the good of the republic that you show your support.

Top tip: bring a blow up chair, a lighter and roar your nut off!

Camping
To not camp is probably only to get half of the Oxegen Experience. The sea of tents erected on Friday evening will supply the backbone of the festival and its withered inhabitants will be seen looking far more haggard than day-tripping punters who arrive fresh in their cars and on busses.

Expect very little in the way of sleep as sing songs, bongo drums and ghetto blasters boom long into the night. Ironically the best time to get sleep is when a load of acts you're not really interested in are on. Sleep is for langers though - you can do that for the rest of the year.

Top tip: Erecting your tent off the main tracks to the campsite toilets as you could find your tent soaked in more than just rain when you return. Yes folks its not funny.