Incinerator Strand: Tourism in Ringasiddy

22nd Jan 2004

Incinerator Strand
with John Paul and Wanda

Being the closest county to the equator there's nothing a Corkonian likes better than to head for the beach for the day. Set up your windbreaker, lay out your towel and balm out. The job.

Wanda & John Paul balm out at Haulbowline	Fruit, wine and spades for building sandcastles

Last week they took away our D·il seat. Now the Irish Government are going to build a toxic incinerator in Cork Harbour. For quality of life for the average sham in the Rebel County this is a big blow, embarrassing our county in more ways than one. The biggest insult is that we are going to have to accept waste from Dublin - Ireland's filthiest county as anyone who cleans up the visiting fans area of Turner's Cross will tell you. We are already subjected to their filth on the GAA and soccer field but accepting their toxic waste is enraging.

Because of this horrific decision any local who fancies a day out at a beach or a sailing trip will be concerned about their health and safety. Fear not as PeoplesRepublicofCork.com is here to help:

Awwwh: The couple go for a romantic gander	'Lamp' Roches Point in the background

No longer will we be able to laugh at each other's b·n white skin or bask in our bermudas under the warm sun. Sun tan lotion and ice cream sales will plummet. To visit the beach you've got to find yourself a full body airtight chemical suit Not an inch of skin can be exposed. gloves, boots the whole shebang. In fact the only race of people who will appreciate the new compulsory cover-up beach fashion are Muslims fundamentalists. Maybe Bord F·ilte can start marketing Cork more aggressively in Afghanistan.

We decided to ball down to the harbour town on Tuesday afternoon to take a look around to see what the poor souls who live in the area have to put up with already. We found an elderly couple, John Paul and Wanda, "chilling out" on the beach at Haulbowline, just beyond Ringaskiddy, which has gorgeous views of Cobh and Roches Point. The couple showed the fears that every Corkonian should have, decked out in full chemical suit regalia.

Clouds of shite: the feen points out where the sun shine through	JP nips off for a dump

"We don't have a car so we got the bus from town down here", said 70 year old John Paul through the muffled sound of his Max-filtered TEK1 gas mask, "Dayres so much grim and gank down here already that you have to filter the air you do be breathin' '