Good Friday in Cork

18th Apr 2003

Good Friday In Cork
Danny Elbow

As good as we might feel coming to the end of our seemingly torturous and lingering Lenten campaigns - perhaps giving up chocolate, cutting down on cigarettes or only having five spoons of sugar instead of six on your breakfast cereal - there always seems to be somebody making a bigger sacrifice which makes us feel guilty. For example your own tailor made Lenten campaign might be to have just the one short with every pint instead of a double at the boozer on Friday's after work. However your drinking partner is going one better by denying himself chicken suppers on the way home during Lent - surely a sacrifice of note. Admittedly he is making sure that he won't buy a chicken supper by making sure he doesn't have any money when leaving the pub (ensured by making a sizeable "charitable donation" to the barman at last call).

The day after Good Friday we are always subjected to the many voluntary but horrific crucifixions by devout Catholics which take place in the Philippines aimed to recreate the suffering of Jesus - deemed of course to be the ultimate in Lenten sacrifice. Contrast the pain of nails ripping through your hands and feet with the pain of denying your self a chicken supper or a double cheese burger as you stumble home from the boozer…..remember the Man above is watching and taking everything into account!

Should you, the Cork representative, approach St. Peter and The Pearly Gates of Heaven at the same time as one of these brave and religiously upright men who have crucified themselves every Good Friday you could find yourself with some talking to do to get your self admitted. Be sure that the kind of meaningless waffle bouncers have to endure from drunken zombies in town every weekend won't do either. St. Peter is going to need a lot of convincing. This is going to have to be a very credible and well presented case-for-the-defence because the consequences are of utmost seriousness. This is not like losing 50 quid on a novelty 20/1 bet like Neil Prendeville marrying Noel O'Flynn TD or 400/1 for Saddam Hussein to take over as director of the City of Culture. This is more serious: eternity burning in the fires of hell or be sent back to Earth to be born again…in Limerick.

God is good and has mercy but there's only so far he can go. You've already used up one Divine credit by being born a Corkonian, one for the hurling and football double in 1990, and another for asking God not to let your folks find out about when you got caught gatting in a building site by the law when you were sixteen. Can you pull another one out of the bag? This will require a level of diplomacy and negotiation that would make the Good Friday Agreement look like haggling the price of fresh cod in the English Market. You should consider yourself lucky that you are from Cork: give that stone a good snog the next time your out in Blarney. You're going to need it.

Lastly, there are very few days of the year on which the public houses of this county will not welcome its punters with open arms. Good Friday is a day which legislation from the Irish Government ensures it remains sacrosanct. Does that mean that the entire county will remain sober ? Does it mean that every pub will keep its doors and taps firmly sealed from the thirsty lip of the Cork public? Not-a-tall!! Holy Thursday is a sight to behold at off-licenses as the sight of mobs, reminiscent of a nation about to fall victim to war and rations, buy up as much stock as their arms will carry.

Had we not been told that Holy Thursday was upon us or that Good Friday would mean no booze in town then one wonders if the same panic would ensue. If nobody mentioned it was Good Friday would we happily spend Friday night at home by the fire watching some Irish comedian on British Television and decide to hit the town on Saturday night instead? The built-in fear and insecurity around the thought of not be able to access drink makes us go out and ship truck loads of drink home just to be safe in the knowledge that "the fridge is full o' gat like - if I need it!"

In typical style after a big feed of gat on Good Friday night we recover all day Saturday only to go back out onto the battlefield on Sunday night to…eh?….celebrate the end of Lent like!!