Dublin Protest Crowd Exaggerated



County Board Estimate Dublin Protest Crowd
Alan Ger


The services of the Cork County Board executive and former inter-county hurler Gerald MacCarthy were used by the government on Saturday to estimate the size of the crowd that marched in protest at recent public service cuts.

I spy with my little eye: about 30 or 40 people?

While most media outlets, Gardaí, union officials, march organisers and emergency services estimated the crowd to be over 100,000 strong, officials from the Cork County Board have slashed those figures dramatically.

In a statement issued by a well known local PR company on behalf of (and you all know what "behalf of" really means) the County Board the new crowd-estimating experts claim only a handful of people were actually present on the day. The statement was delivered in an unusual fashion - engraved on the side of a spinning top and left outside the door of local journalists.

An unspecified source, possibly 2008 Cork hurling coach Gerald MacCarthy, is believed to have dismissed the immense crowd of fiery protestors as being mainly "shoppers", a few confused tourists and a sprinkling of bombed-out heroin addicts who got caught up in the crowd and couldn't get out.


CCB chairman Jerry O'Sullivan (who recently shot to fame with comical-Ali style estimates of the city centre march in support of the 2008 hurlers) was quick to point out that he "heard there were only about 150-200 people present" at Saturday's trade union march in Dublin.

County Board Chairman Jerry O'Sullivan "heard" there were 1500 at the supporters march while official Gardaí estimates said over 10,000.

When confronted with TV and media images of the enormous crowd that stretched for a number of miles around Dublin city centre he nodded in agreement with his colleagues' estimation saying: "see lah, about 150 people at the most".

Government consultants are said to be delighted with the Cork County Board's unexpected loyalty. A motion denying the existence of the recession is also to be passed at the next meeting and plans are also believed to be in place to forward results of a motion to the Green Party challenging the notion of global warming.

County secretary Frank Murphy revealed (via subtitles as he is still subjected to Section 31 of the broadcasting act) that he heard that media footage of giant ice caps melting was grossly exaggerated and probably concocted on one of those flashy whizzy buzzy things with a telly attached to it. A Playstation perhaps.

Better watch out. Those uppity polar bears swimming helplessly in artic waters will be looking for appearance fees soon. Langers.

 
 
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