Dollar and Euro Plummet Against Toilet Roll

In another disastrous day of trading in currency markets worldwide both the euro and dollar have plummeted against the toilet roll.

The rise in the value of the toilet roll is expected to result in the central banks of many countries, including Ireland, to consider adopting the toilet roll as their country's official currency.

With a single roll of 180 sheet tissue now changing hands for up to €80 and the double ply equivalent soaring to €110, hedge funds managers have been pegging clients’ investments to the bog roll in a hope to avoid a major dip in value.

“We need to get behind this quickly,” said economist Roger O’Gargle, “there’s going to be an awful lot of shit to wipe up when this is all over”.

Guess who just shat himself