10 Reasons to Beat Kerry

15th Sep 2009

10 Reasons to Beat Kerry

Beating Kerry in an All-Ireland football final. In Croke Park. What a thought. It salivates the mouth and flutters the heart beat of even the most laid back Corkman. It excites every cell in a Corkonians body to see Kerrymen on the ground and Cork fellas bounding around the place at the final whistle.

Like a drop of Tanora in a September heat wave this victory would quench the thirst for All-Ireland glory like no other - with the exception of the 1990 double when dual star Teddy McCarthy briefly ascended into Heaven only to decide he preferred it in Cork and came back down.

Here are our top ten reasons that would make victory on Sunday extra special.

Can we keep Kerry on a leash this Sunday? Chalky.

1. Revenge for 2007
For anyone like us who stood or sat in Croker in 2007 when Cork suffered a heavy loss to the Kingdom in the All-Ireland final this would be an unrivalled remedy for the pain of that day. While some couldn't bear the sight of the scoreboard many of us stayed on in the hope that "something" would happen - a miracle perhaps - but our suspicions that Kerry put something in the Cork water bottles that day lives on.

The only glimmer of hope that evening was the post-match interview with Billy Morgan. When asked if he thought Cork would be back he didn't do what most heavily defeated inter-county managers would do and fudge it. He held his head up high and told the nation "you bet your life we'll be back". Oh how right he was - albeit without the great man himself on the sideline.

2. Remarks About Cork by Kerry Players
Diving specialist Aidan O'Mahony made a pledge when Kerry returned home in 2007 regarding Sam Maguire and the People's Republic. He boisterously claimed that "as long as we're around that cup will never cross that border".

Well, he's still playing and if his promises are as unreliable as his on-field theatrics then he'd better book a flight to a far flung destination for Sunday evening. Thailand's eastern coast might be appropriate. Apparently the diving is great.

3. Wazziegate
Remember fiery tempered Kerry half-forward Paul Galvin smacking the notebook out of the referee's hand and following it up with a mealy mouthed apology to try and minimise his ban? Oh wouldn't we love to slap Sam Maguire out of his hands on Sunday! And there'd be no need for an apology either.

4. Hollandgate
The dark winter of 2008 saw the Cork footballers out on strike because of the Cork County Board's insistence on appointing Teddy Holland as Cork coach against their wishes. On the back of the heavy 2007 defeat to Kerry the previous September Canty's men stood solid and united until the board backed down. A victory on Sunday would be the ultimate endorsement for their persevering righteousness and a just reward to every fan who marched on that bitterly cold night in February.

5. Calling Kerry's Bluff
All the talk is that Kerry are saving their one good game for the final. We look forward to showing Kerry up as the North Korea of Gaelic football - always in the news talking themselves up like a super power but behind the cute hoor winks and smiles there's a serious poverty of substance.

Like Kim Jung Il's secret nuclear arsenal Kerry are planning to launch their 'twin tower' forwards Donaghy and Walsh to surprise Cork. But they'll be eliminated by Cork's back line before they have a chance to fire. Supply lines will be cut at midfield and any incoming artillery will be spotted by Commander Counihan and neutralised immediately. Sanctions on Sam Maguire in Kerry could last for years.

6. John O'Donoghue TD
An avid Kerry football fan the Cahirciveen ceann comhairle is currently embroiled in an unprecedented money wasting scandal which surrounds his lavish spending whilst Minister for Arts. A litany of embarrassing revelations from €472 on a limousine to go from Heathrow Terminal 1 to 3, to €120 to hiring a hat for a day at the races and €9,000 flights.

Instead of standing up and saying he was wrong the Kerryman has arrogantly brushed off the accusations of waste reinforcing the perception that Fianna Fáíl's sincerity about undoing their undoing of the economy is frighteningly false. Who wouldn't love to see the smile on the other side of his face when Cork beat his county into the turf on Sunday?

Click here to see what we found in West Cork

7. Winning a Final in Croke Park
With a crushing defeat of All-Ireland champions Tyrone in Croke Park now on their footballing CVs, Cork are primed to banish the clap trap about bottling it in Croke Park. Those sentiments might be appropriate for the Mayo's and Dublin's of this world but Cork will show just how mentally able they are on Sunday when they hit Kerry hard from start to finish.

8. Graham Canty's Celtic Cross
Who wouldn't want to see one of Cork's greatest footballers actually become one of Ireland's greatest footballer of all time by finally winning an All-Ireland medal?

The Bantry Blues man has marshalled the back line since his introduction in 2001 and has rarely missed a game since. The 29 year old might be around a long time but judging by his pace and ability to cover 70 yards in the blink of an eye there's plenty left in the tank for the years ahead.

9. Kerry Fans' Faces
"Tiz only the Munster championship" Kerry supporters shouted as they left Páirc Uí Squeeze in early June after their eight point trouncing to Cork. One wonders what the demanding Kerry fans will have to say on Sunday after the match.

For years they've taunted us and the only thought that stops you from giving them a kick up the arse at the time is that nagging feeling of "one day we'll beat ye in an All-Ireland final…..".

10. The Small Ball Taunt
For years Kerrymen's only comeback when reminded of Cork's success in the other code was to try to dismiss hurling as the "schmall ball". One assumes the insinuation to be that a bigger ball implies superiority (only a Kerry brain could reason that one out).

On many occasions when Kerry might have beaten Cork but failed to bring Sam Maguire home, it was nice to remind them that Liam McCarthy resided on Leeside only to receive this bizarre reaction. Actually binging Sam Maguire Home on the 125th anniversary of the GAA would be a nice way to remind the 'schmall ball' taunters of their previous comments.