A good article from Myers:
Kevin Myers: Try explaining aspects of Irish life to a German; when you're done, try explaining them to me
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By Kevin Myers
Wednesday December 16 2009
There is a small test that I want you to apply to any aspect of Irish life. It is called, Try Explaining It To A German. For example, the Government recently announced -- as, for the 15th straight winter, half the country vanished under a midwinter flood -- that it is only now inviting tenders for a feasibility study into the merits of a national flood warning system. Try explaining that to Wilhelm, or why nothing will ever come of the feasibility study.
That's just a seasonal example. You can invite the same test for any aspect of Irish life. Take the bank regulator Patrick Neary, who was found not to have been doing his job for a decade, while Sean FitzPatrick hid scores of millions a year from Anglo Irish Bank. He was allowed to take early retirement, with a tax-free golden handshake worth about €400,000 and a pension of €140,000. Go on: explain that to Friederich. Then explain both the Anglo Irish Bank farce to Ludovic, and why no one went to jail because of it.
Or take Rody Molloy in Fas who, after massive abuse of his position, was also allowed to take early retirement, with a golden handshake, plus full pension. Explain that to Fritz. Or consider the retired directors general from the civil service whose pensions are now worth more than their salaries when they were working, but were not subject to any of the income reductions being imposed on junior civil servants, whose incomes are down by some 15pc in a year and who are now spiralling towards ruin. Go on. Explain that to Sigmund.
And then there's the M50 orbital road around Dublin, which crosses over the Liffey valley. The State decided to build the motorway on either side of the valley, but handed the construction of the connecting bridge, with toll rights, to a private company, the National Toll Roads. In addition to enabling NTR to make hundreds of millions from an entirely captive driving community, the actual process of collecting tolls was so inefficient that it caused huge traffic jams. No, Heinrich, not for a couple of hours, but for a decade and a half. After years and years of enormous profits and economically ruinous delays on this government-created monopoly, the Government finally ordered a compulsory buy-out for €600m. This had "decimated" the NTR business, lamented the company's chairman Tom Roche at a business breakfast last week.
Explain to Heidi why he was not instantly lynched. Then tell her that the State simultaneously built a motorway network without a single service station, or toilet, or restaurant or rest area. And then explain why to her. Go on. Do it.
Item: 600,000 people moved to Ireland in 15 years, but Dail Eireann never once discussed immigration. Tell Frieda that. Item: a licence fee is compulsorily extracted from all television owners, which is used then to pay state broadcasters such as Pat Kenny and Marian Finucane far more than they could ever get from a commercial rival. Explain that to Rudi.
Item: Dublin council has ruled that all place names in the capital must now be spelt in Irish only, with Irish spelling, in a city in which almost no one regularly converses in the language. Explain that to Ulrich. Moreover, Irish is a compulsory and universal subject at school, rather like English is in Germany, but almost no one speaks the language across the entire country. Explain that to Hannah.
The Republic was the operational base for the IRA for 26 years during a war which killed nearly 4,000 people. Meanwhile IRA leaders down south slept in their own homes. Have you got that, Manfred? Then the IRA decided to end the war, and to destroy its guns: the only ever undefeated army that has ever done this. Have you understood why, Friederich? And then, Karen, no one ever asks the IRA leaders, what in the name of God the war was about.
Oh yes, and the Provisional IRA responsible was started by Charles Haughey, the most corrupt politician in Irish history, who went on to be the country's leader, even as he secretly took millions from businessmen, and who later lied about this before a government tribunal.
Then Haughey died, and he was given a state funeral. Go on. Explain that to Hermann.
Ireland has the most expensive electricity in Europe. One reason is the Electricity Supply Board is actually compelled by the Government to burn huge amounts of ecologically irreplaceable but laughably inefficient turf. As Ireland preaches environmentalism in Copenhagen, explain that to Joachim.
And then there's Beverley Flynn, Ray Burke, Michael Lowry: explain them to Dieter. Explain NAMA, Ansbacher, Quarryvale and Hepatitis C. Explain the Ryan report, the Murphy report, and the voting-machines scandal, so that Boris can understand.
And then, when you've done that, explain it all to me.
kmyers@independent.ie
- Kevin Myers
Irish Independent
Kevin Myers: Try explaining aspects of Irish life to a German; when you're done, try explaining them to me
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Kevin Myers Home
By Kevin Myers
Wednesday December 16 2009
There is a small test that I want you to apply to any aspect of Irish life. It is called, Try Explaining It To A German. For example, the Government recently announced -- as, for the 15th straight winter, half the country vanished under a midwinter flood -- that it is only now inviting tenders for a feasibility study into the merits of a national flood warning system. Try explaining that to Wilhelm, or why nothing will ever come of the feasibility study.
That's just a seasonal example. You can invite the same test for any aspect of Irish life. Take the bank regulator Patrick Neary, who was found not to have been doing his job for a decade, while Sean FitzPatrick hid scores of millions a year from Anglo Irish Bank. He was allowed to take early retirement, with a tax-free golden handshake worth about €400,000 and a pension of €140,000. Go on: explain that to Friederich. Then explain both the Anglo Irish Bank farce to Ludovic, and why no one went to jail because of it.
Or take Rody Molloy in Fas who, after massive abuse of his position, was also allowed to take early retirement, with a golden handshake, plus full pension. Explain that to Fritz. Or consider the retired directors general from the civil service whose pensions are now worth more than their salaries when they were working, but were not subject to any of the income reductions being imposed on junior civil servants, whose incomes are down by some 15pc in a year and who are now spiralling towards ruin. Go on. Explain that to Sigmund.
And then there's the M50 orbital road around Dublin, which crosses over the Liffey valley. The State decided to build the motorway on either side of the valley, but handed the construction of the connecting bridge, with toll rights, to a private company, the National Toll Roads. In addition to enabling NTR to make hundreds of millions from an entirely captive driving community, the actual process of collecting tolls was so inefficient that it caused huge traffic jams. No, Heinrich, not for a couple of hours, but for a decade and a half. After years and years of enormous profits and economically ruinous delays on this government-created monopoly, the Government finally ordered a compulsory buy-out for €600m. This had "decimated" the NTR business, lamented the company's chairman Tom Roche at a business breakfast last week.
Explain to Heidi why he was not instantly lynched. Then tell her that the State simultaneously built a motorway network without a single service station, or toilet, or restaurant or rest area. And then explain why to her. Go on. Do it.
Item: 600,000 people moved to Ireland in 15 years, but Dail Eireann never once discussed immigration. Tell Frieda that. Item: a licence fee is compulsorily extracted from all television owners, which is used then to pay state broadcasters such as Pat Kenny and Marian Finucane far more than they could ever get from a commercial rival. Explain that to Rudi.
Item: Dublin council has ruled that all place names in the capital must now be spelt in Irish only, with Irish spelling, in a city in which almost no one regularly converses in the language. Explain that to Ulrich. Moreover, Irish is a compulsory and universal subject at school, rather like English is in Germany, but almost no one speaks the language across the entire country. Explain that to Hannah.
The Republic was the operational base for the IRA for 26 years during a war which killed nearly 4,000 people. Meanwhile IRA leaders down south slept in their own homes. Have you got that, Manfred? Then the IRA decided to end the war, and to destroy its guns: the only ever undefeated army that has ever done this. Have you understood why, Friederich? And then, Karen, no one ever asks the IRA leaders, what in the name of God the war was about.
Oh yes, and the Provisional IRA responsible was started by Charles Haughey, the most corrupt politician in Irish history, who went on to be the country's leader, even as he secretly took millions from businessmen, and who later lied about this before a government tribunal.
Then Haughey died, and he was given a state funeral. Go on. Explain that to Hermann.
Ireland has the most expensive electricity in Europe. One reason is the Electricity Supply Board is actually compelled by the Government to burn huge amounts of ecologically irreplaceable but laughably inefficient turf. As Ireland preaches environmentalism in Copenhagen, explain that to Joachim.
And then there's Beverley Flynn, Ray Burke, Michael Lowry: explain them to Dieter. Explain NAMA, Ansbacher, Quarryvale and Hepatitis C. Explain the Ryan report, the Murphy report, and the voting-machines scandal, so that Boris can understand.
And then, when you've done that, explain it all to me.
kmyers@independent.ie
- Kevin Myers
Irish Independent
