Is 'langer' losing its bite?

3rd Jun 2004

Is 'langer' losing its bite?
Danny Elbow

So while Chris Doran picked up a single figure points tally at the (albeit farcical) Eurovision political showcase little did we know what a certain group of individuals from Ballincollig were planning. Natural Gas, a collection of "exemplary" Corkonians released a tune whose chorus uses the word 'langer' three times. How bold! Wonder what their aul lades' think?

Natural Gas still at no.1 having knocked Eurovision langer Chris Doran down to no.5

Last week the now infamous Langer Song knocked poor Chris off the number one slot (and managed to hold on to it this week) - the Waterford man's glory period lasting just days after his humiliation on Eurovision. So what does this tell us about the Irish music industry? Well, Brian McFadden (ex Westlife) who wrote Chris Doran's song, must be reeling. This was his first real shot at showcasing his talent without Westlife and would have been hoping to stay at number one for at least two months. But what happens? A couple of feens from Cork knock his pseudo emotional love song from grace with a tune as Cork as the Blarney Stone doused in Murphys. Now that really is sticking it up to the 'langers' in the Irish music industry.

The seriousness of 'If My World Stopped Turning' and the falseness of Chris's performance (oh that cringing singing face!) is mocked by the jovial and don't-take-life-so-seriously attitude of Natural Gas. While we salute Tim O'Riordan and the rest of the biys in Natural Gas there must also be time for some serious reflection about certain Cork words and their popularity through out Ireland.

Peoples Republic Of Cork linguistic experts who compile the Cork Dictionary (see page 2 of Downtown) have been concerned over the last year about the demise of the word 'langer'. This concern was initially sparked by the popularity of Today FM's morning show comedy sketches with Mario Rosenstock impersonating Roy Keane and some other feen from Cork impersonating his brother Johnson. Johnson's (or 'Jay' as he prefers) catch phrase is always heard as he signs off 'Roy you're some langer!'.

Whilst those listeners outside Cork giggled to themselves at the sketches, Corkonians sitting in their cars on their way to work, while amused on one hand were also very much shocked that such language would be allowed on radio. Of course the word 'langer' means very little to people in the rest of Ireland except maybe some vague connection with a certain retired German golfer named Bernhard.

"I'm this much of a langer". Mc Carthy is a fine example of a true langer

If any parent in this county was called a langer by his or her child you can be sure that a suitably depressing punishment would ensue. Its not long since 'langer' was ranked up there with the f-word and the c-word and even the b-word.


Now that some time has passed and the word langer continues to be bandied about in a very casual way by the broadcast media one worries that the word itself is losing its bite. There are many words out there that we might allow kids to hear and even use to make their opinion on somebody known. Fool, Eejit, spoon, tool, and nincompoop are all fairly regular safe expressions that wouldn't turn a head even if uttered by a child. There are always times when we need something a bit stronger though. Something with a bit of venom.

Only a short time ago to call somebody a langer would have implied that a person was an extremely unpleasant individual. Somebody who was regarded as being unworthy of being born a Corkonian perhaps. One would have preferred to have been thrust down Patrick's Hill in a trolley to an inevitable death than to spend time with this 'langer'.

'Niall' Prendeville refers to the size of his langer.

Now, through the work of Natural Gas and others, the whole country is aware of the word 'langer' and its meaning. So the next time you pay something outrageous to some upright rat with a Dublin accent selling Cork and Kilkenny flags outside Croke Park on All-Ireland day he'll know what you mean when you call him a langer for charging you 12 euro for a piece of red and white cloth. Be wide feens, the secret is out.

We have to award Natural Gas the highest compliment however in their achievement. While they'd probably agree themselves that the Langer Song won't be rehearsed by posh feens with violins in the School of Music in 2,400 AD it has certainly gone down as another example of Corkonian domination, pride, wit and quick thinking.

Walsh. Bet he feels like a langer now.

While Doran and McFadden might aspire to singing in neutral accents, about unoriginal, boring, tried-and-tested themes and have their PR companies banging on every DJs door to have the record played, the Cork act simply kept it Cork and won. They came out of nowhere with a song about nothing but 'langers' to knock the real langers off their perch. I wonder what Eurostar judges Linda Martin, Phil Coulter and Louis Walsh feel about having their wonderboy eclipsed by a couple of unknown Corkmen? Buncha langers.