Dana Had Orgasm in English Market

Posted on Oct 13, 2011 in News

 
 

 

Áras candidate Dana Rosemary Scandal shocked the Republic of Ireland last night by unexpectedly reading a prepared statement at the end of a television debate on Dublin state television. The softly spoken former Eurovision winner refuted “vile” allegations that she claimed would be published by newspapers in the coming days.

Refusing to elaborate on the nature or source of the allegations has resulted in speculation that the former MEP for the How Now Brown Cow Constituency had an orgasm while holding up a Peoples Republic of Cork t-shirt in the English Market during a recent campaign trip to Leeside.


Dana holds up a PROC t-shirt on Dublin television station RTE
which caused her to orgasm unexpectedly.


In an attempt to endear herself to the Cork public to whom she has little or no connection, Dana  was so overwhelmed by the instant publicity that she instantly climaxed. 

Any orgasm achieved in this way is classified as adultery under a strict interpretation of Catholic law to which the nordie subscribes.

Confession experts have confirmed that punishment for this crime can be severe with the convicted party being ordered to repeat the Hail Mary prayer up to five times before absolution and a lifetime of guilt and self hatred is granted. 

Sympathy for Dana's climax is strong on Leeside with many people surprised at her sudden guilt. 

"Anyone who comes to Cork for the first time has to expect to come in Cork as well", said Stella Kiely buying an unreasonable amount of bananas this morning in the market, "I would encourage Dana to come again and again. Im nearly over the edge meself here like holdin' these tings." 

 

 
Who else needs a Dinny funt?

Who else needs a Dinny funt?

An 83 year old man foiled a three-man raid in Glanmire last Saturday evening and in the process delivered a beautiful kick up the arse to one of the humiliated raiders. Who else needs a Dinny Funt?

Read More

Ten Starting Points for a Buskers Code

Ten Starting Points for a Buskers Code

A buskers’ code agreed between buskers, traders and residents is well worth pursuing before wrapping ourselves up in legal knots and slapping low-income buskers with fines...

Read More

10 and a Half Reasons That Prove Bob Marley Lived in Cork

10 and a Half Reasons That Prove Bob Marley Lived in Cork

It has been rumoured for years that Bob Marley lived in Cork...and possibly still does. Only that can explain the manic devotion to the reggae superstar on Leeside...

Read More

PROC’s FAQ Guide to Panaban’s Second Coming

PROC’s FAQ Guide to Panaban’s Second Coming

If you haven’t moved abroad in protest after the last time the Panaban was tried or set yourself on fire in defiance then check out our frequently asked questions guide to Panaban’s second coming.

Read More

Semi Final Flashbacks - Cork V Limerick Preview

Semi Final Flashbacks - Cork V Limerick Preview

This time last year Cork were Munster champions going into the All-Ireland semi-final on a high. It didn't end well. The Rebels have added some steel that should help avoid another semi drubbing but is it enough to beat a tough Limerick outfit?

Read More

 
 

Advertising