Dana Had Orgasm in English Market

Posted on Oct 13, 2011 in News

 
 

 

Áras candidate Dana Rosemary Scandal shocked the Republic of Ireland last night by unexpectedly reading a prepared statement at the end of a television debate on Dublin state television. The softly spoken former Eurovision winner refuted “vile” allegations that she claimed would be published by newspapers in the coming days.

Refusing to elaborate on the nature or source of the allegations has resulted in speculation that the former MEP for the How Now Brown Cow Constituency had an orgasm while holding up a Peoples Republic of Cork t-shirt in the English Market during a recent campaign trip to Leeside.


Dana holds up a PROC t-shirt on Dublin television station RTE
which caused her to orgasm unexpectedly.


In an attempt to endear herself to the Cork public to whom she has little or no connection, Dana  was so overwhelmed by the instant publicity that she instantly climaxed. 

Any orgasm achieved in this way is classified as adultery under a strict interpretation of Catholic law to which the nordie subscribes.

Confession experts have confirmed that punishment for this crime can be severe with the convicted party being ordered to repeat the Hail Mary prayer up to five times before absolution and a lifetime of guilt and self hatred is granted. 

Sympathy for Dana's climax is strong on Leeside with many people surprised at her sudden guilt. 

"Anyone who comes to Cork for the first time has to expect to come in Cork as well", said Stella Kiely buying an unreasonable amount of bananas this morning in the market, "I would encourage Dana to come again and again. Im nearly over the edge meself here like holdin' these tings." 

 

 
Win Tickets to Jameson Film Club

Win Tickets to Jameson Film Club

City Hall hosts the Jameson Film Club next Tuesday Apr 22nd with a screening of The Usual Suspects. Win tickets here...

Read More

Keith Barry Admits It May Have All Been In His Head

Keith Barry Admits It May Have All Been In His Head

Keith Barry is allegedly re-examining his memory after a Failbook rant against King Niall Prendeville about a pulled interview.....

Read More

Barry Ejected From 11 O’Clock Mass

Barry Ejected From 11 O’Clock Mass

Keith Barry is angry at having been ejected from mass by altar boys at St. Mary's on Pope's Quay despite travelling ALL THE WAY FROM DUBLIN to Cork....

Read More

Cork Take on Dubs and City V Sligo

Cork Take on Dubs and City V Sligo

City are flying it under Johnny C and while Brian C's footballers topped the Allianz League. There's a big weekend of sport ahead...

Read More

Win Tickets to Potted Potter

Win Tickets to Potted Potter

Potted Potter is the hilarious Unauthorised Harry Experience. All Harry Potter books in 70 minutes! Showing at the Everyman on Tue 22 - Sat 26 April.

Read More

 
 

Advertising