Seems Prince Albert has chickened out of a trip to Cork because we beat Monaco in the Lonely Planet rankings..." />

Cork Overtakes Monaco

Posted on Nov 11, 2009 in News

 
 

 

Cork Now Better than Monaco

Albert has a habit of losing focus.

Monaco's Prince Albert has suddenly done a u-turn on his intention to visit Leeside. Green party activist Mick Murphy had worked hard to set up the visit that was supposed to be a major coup for Cork - the visit seen as more of nod to the People's Republic state than the Republic of Ireland.

For what seems like nothing but sheer jealousy Albert's people have altered the prince's plans so that he now won't have the pleasure of a trip to Cork. The tiny state in the south of France must be peeved that the People's Republic made it into the Lonely Planet's top ten cities for 2010 ahead of the Mediterranean monarchy.

The administration of Monaco have made a major mistake and they don't realise it. Instead of pouting and rejecting the invitation it would be more beneficial if they allowed their head of state to come to Leeside to pick up a few tips on how to improve his mini-country.

Cork and Monaco have a lot in common. As well as both aspiring to remain free of the bad influence of a dominant capital to the north (Dublin and Paris respectively) both places have a huge affinity for sailing. Part of Albert's planned trip was to visit the oldest yacht club in the world in Crosshaven where he could pick up a thing or two about sailing from the masters.

It's a pity though - we could have done with some tips on how to cope with a massive influx of tourists. Monaco relies almost entirely on holidaymakers to fund itself (the state doesn't 'do' income tax) and with our Lonely Planet status as a top ten city we'll need all the help we can get as aeroplanes and ships stuffed with brightly anoraked tourists struggling under the weight of their cameras and wallets step on to Cork soil next year.

There might be one other reason that Prince Albert has decided to ditch his plans to visit Ireland. With so much talk about taxing the mega-rich perhaps his Royal Highness is afraid to even dip his toe on Irish soil. If the public sector unions got their way

A trial run for the Cork Formula One circuit. Monaco is shitting bricks.

those tax haven dwellers like Albert will be stripped of everything they own when they step off their incoming flights to pay for things like Fás executives first class trips in the opposite direction.

Maybe the Monarch fears having a tax bill slapped on his balding forehead upon arrival at Cork Airport. Should the unions get their way, the revenue commissioners will swoop so hard and fast on super-wealthy visitors that Albert would possibly find himself thumbing a lift to Crosshaven in his boxers by the time they're finished with him.

The Prince would want to be careful though in case he sends the wrong message to fiercely proud Corkonians by not showing up. The statement from the country's administration appeared to contain no grovelling apologies - the least they could have done when dealing with a prestigious top ten city like Cork.

Monaco's annual worldwide show piece is the visit of the Formula One race - a welcome change to the monotonous race tracks of other cities as drivers navigate narrow streets and twisty tunnels zipping around the city.

Now that Cork has jumped ahead of his home town maybe we should start looking at attracting the race to Leeside and add it to the long list of fantastic events to look forward to over the year. Remember, our fellow top-ten cities Abu Dabi, Singapore and Istanbul are on the circuit already so it's only a matter of time before we join them.

Cork would be a suitable city too with plenty of interesting historic streets, bridges, hills and spectacular views for the noise machines to roar along - Monaco style. We even have a tunnel to enhance the challenge for drivers (obviously they'd have to check if it's closed for maintenance the weekend of the race otherwise they'll have to go through Mahon) making Cork the pinnacle of the Formula One season.

Coveney goes as Prince Albert to fancy dress parties.

So called cycling 'legend' Lance Armstrong winced out of a race back in August when he was confronted with some modest Cork geography so let's see Rubens Barichello, Jenson Button and company take on similarly brutal challenges like the Magic Roundabout - preferably about 8.30am on a rainy Monday morning - and see who the real driving legends are.

It would be no harm either to show local 'boy racers' what proper racing cars are like up close. You can't just stick go-fast stripes to your mam's bockety aul 1991 four-gear hatchback with blu-tak and bore a hole in the exhaust to make it sound like an oil tanker. That's not a racing car you stupid langers!

So Albert you might want to reconsider your plans to visit us and get yourself over here double quick. You'll get the best reception when your city still has some attractions and credibility left - there's no point turning up when Monaco's wealthy elite have moved over here to the new hotspot and are downing barrels of local stout on their super yachts instead of sipping poncey French wines.

Cork is about to take over the mantle as Europe's gem so Albie boy, you might as well be here to see the hand-over.


 
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