Sign of the Times

8th Oct 2009

Sign of the Times

As Cork County Council continually refuse to place signs welcoming visitors to the county, PROC recently took the task upon itself.

While both Limerick and Tipperary county councils have put large signs on their borders and Kerry county council have placed welcome signage on their eastern border it is a source of deep shame that the county's local authority have still not placed any acknowledgement of our county on our borders.

This unacceptable refusal not to welcome visitors to Cork is in defiance of the friendly and hospitable nature of our citizens. A perpetual embarrassment for Corkonians since this website's inception is the utter failure of the council to extend a proper welcome - both to visitors and returning citizens alike. Many users may remember PROC's own Osama Bin Murphy and his Glorious Mission to Clean the Welcome to Cork Signs in 2003.

Back then green moss and mould had worked its way up those infamous blue signs on the city bounds (the ones that say Cork's population is about 240 and that the city is twinned with Coventry) making them unreadable - before Murphy put a scrubber to them.

Days of hard labour finally saw etched out a result - children as old as ten finally realised what the sign was about - the gank covering most of it during their short lives now finally lifted.

The signs are still there with their comically out of date statistics and the "manky-gank" working its way back. But on the city bounds at least there's something.

South bound: Things always brighten up at the border.

As the nation's superior county, the mind boggles as to why councillors have not urged their well paid administration at County Hall to make a proverbial song-and-dance on the county bounds.

Driving into the Rebel County on the new M8 motorway every driver would appreciate being informed that they are no longer in County Limerick. Who wouldn't relax a bit after passing safely through Ireland's second most dangerous county?

Corkonians who have to travel north of the border will now know in advance that they are leaving their native county. In mid-September we erected two large banners on the last Cork flyover before Kilbehenny, County Limerick.

The one facing Cork informs departing motorists that they are about to leave the sanctity of the People's Republic thereby allowing them to:

1. Wind up and seal all windows to prevent consumption of Limerick air

2. Lock all doors in case of unauthorised persons attempting to gain access

3. Lower sun visors to block out as much of other counties as possible

4. Take motion sickness tablets for nausea caused by being outside Cork

5. Load any missile systems or artillery and tape fresh grip to hurleys

Less than a minute after seeing the sign motorists are on their own - like transatlantic sailors or astronauts on the moon - you really are on your own.

No Barry's Tea. No Murphys or Beamish. Nobody who speaks the same version of the language as you. Nobody with a decent set of teeth or morals.

It's lonely out there in the great abyss.

Welcome to the People's Republic

On re-entering the atmosphere - sorry, Cork - all motorists should lower their windows to replace any stale air from other counties with pure Cork oxygen as soon as they see the "Welcome to the People's Republic" sign.

This will immediately lift the spirits and bring an overwhelming sense of joy and peace to the heart.

Breaking into song is not uncommon - roaring "ye maids of Duhallow who are anxious for courtin'" as you zip along towards Mitchelstown will dispel all your woes and fill you with positive energy.

"The Boys from County Cork" and the many verses of "Johnny Jump up" will take you to Fermoy. As you fumble around for the €1.90 that gets sent to Dublin, the lads manning the tolls near Glanmire will be only too delighted to hear your version of "Beautiful City" - they may even join in as the appropriately coloured red and white barrier is raised in your honour.

All in all, it's extremely disappointing that no official welcome signs have been erected on our borders despite years of mega-budgets at County Hall during the Celtic Tiger.

It wouldn't take much to organise a bit of a furore at the county bounds to welcome motorists. And while we're at it we should aim to out-do the other counties - fancy flower beds, art and Cork flags all over the shop.

Our temporary signs won't last the winter so before long there will again be nothing acknowledging the county on our borders yet again.

Should any budding philanthropist out there wish to contribute to proper 'Welcome to Cork' signs on our borders drop us a line.