Puke of the Month: October 2008

29th Oct 2008

Puke of the Month
October 2008 - North Mall

With the jazz, folk and film festivals all packed into one single month on Leeside it was inevitable that the best pukes of the year would be splashed across our inbox this week. And what a sight it was.

Even this morning, 48 hours after the festival had ended, two separate pools of mauve coloured sick were to be seen on North Main Street and one on Paul Street - both now beginning to freeze with plummeting temperatures on Leeside. These will be examined by PROC's forensic team later today or early next year to determine the exact Cause of Puke and a report will be sent to Father Mathew.

The investigation team will attempt to assess if there is any correlation between the unavailability of Cork brewed alcohol for the entire weekend in bars participating in the festival and the amount of vomit sloshing around the streets.

Although no concrete evidence exists to date, it may be the case that the physiology of the Corkonian cannot handle alcoholic products brewed in Dublin.

BLAHHH: Finbarr ejects an evening's consumption on North Mall last Saturday night. A highly experienced outdoor puker Finbarr executes the Seated One-Wing Gawk. The extended arm opens the lungs wider allowing the stomach to eject with greater force.

Look at this poor Corkonian, Finbarr O'Sullivan from Gurranabraher. He had a feed of non-Cork products and the next thing he knew he was laid out on a bench on the North Mall gawking beer worth half-a-day's wages (not including foxers of course - dowtcha Fin boy!) all over the path. Finbarr wins a packet of alcaseltzers and a trip for two to the Cork Puking Championships held in Lanzarote every summer.

It's not so much about knowing the "one that's one too many" and more about remembering to stop gatting when you're completely shit faced.

"Some dose like. I dunno wah came over me biy", spluttered Finbarr post-gawk, wiping a few remaining carrot-like blobs from his chin, "I felt like I was fulla manky shit and d'aul doll said was I talkin' like a Dublin fella'n everyting like. Next ting I knows I'm laid out there lah pukin' me ring out….bitta Clonakilty pudding'll sort me out in de morning tho".

More Award Winning Cork Pukes Here
Rag Week Pukes