PRoC in the Park

30th Oct 2002

Fitzgerald's Park
 

You know what's really great about Fitzgerald's Park is that despite its small size it's full of so many different little places that make it seem bigger than the Phoenix Park, Farran woods and New York's Central Park combined.

The chill-out pond for example is ideal for old folks : plenty of benches down in a hollow so it's lovely and warm and sheltered from the wind. Read the Examiner, take the indigestion pills and chill out.
        
The Fountain is never turned on but in fairness it really leaves the Grand Parade's effort for dead. Any fool can climb to the top of that but only a real Corkman can succeed in mounting this one. The benches are kind of enclosed in their own little alcove as well which is a clever design because weirdos (naturally attracted to parks) at the next bench can't really get a good view of you and are less likely to start talking to you about their recent journey to Jupiter.

Over at The Museum (free admission) you can see everything from Daniel O'Connell's overcoat to the Michael Collins love letters. These letters to his beloved Kitty were written while Collins was a hunted man in Dublin and you can tell that he wrote them frantically. Real life rebel. There's a few very impressive pieces of weaponry salvaged from various ambushes, Kilmichael in particular, so any of you thinking of taking a few people out could ask to borrow them for an afternoon. I recently visited the National Museum in Dublin and it's full of broaches, necklaces and jewellery. Blah, blah, blah... be honest with yourself you want to see guns, grenades and the memorabilia of battles and ambushes. That's why this place is great, Rebel Cork bares its wounds. The museum is quite small and you can do it in about ten or fifteen minutes if you like. It's the job for just a quick lamp around.

Despite being mainly into drink and violence I have to say the gardens in the Park are well impressive. I don't know my daisies from my dandelions but the bright colours in the gardens at the moment would even impress the most florescent coloured shirt wearer in Doyles. Pure neatly cut grass, pure lovely smells and flower beds...hang on just a second I think I might be turning into a ladyman....Roy Keane, Dennis Irwin, Patsy Freyne, The Shed, the lads, the pub, getting locked, old dolls...ahhh that's better. Anyway enough o' that , the gardens are awwright like. I'll leave it at that. 

The Shaky Bridge just alongside the park leads up to Sunday's Well. I was terrified as a young fellah everytime I crossed it that it would fall into the river. It never happened but it still wobbles and shakes just as it did before, each footstep you take reverberates around the structure and the iron supports swing freely to enhance your gatch with harmonics. Only the other day I was sitting with a few friends in the park having lunch and we watched some fool climb up onto the railings. He removed his t-shirt yet strangely left his jeans and shiny runners on. After about five minutes' hesitation he finally jumped and I don't think I'll ever forget the slap he got as the lower side of his gut cracked off the glassy waters of the Lee. He won his drunken bet it seemed but his equally drunken friends seemed thoroughly satisfied with the entertainment it had provided. Best bridge in Cork by far. After doing a few grown-up things I decided to take a look at the state of affairs over in the infamous kids' corner, which has probably seen every Cork citizen on its swings 'n' slides at some stage. I didn't even know if they had been taken away or not but you wouldn't be surprised if they had been because of all the compo claims in the last few years.

A lot has changed in the years I have ceased to be a Fitzy's Park regular. In a lash back at the compensation claims which saw the facilities temporarily removed, the Corpo (now called Cork City Council by the way) installed new swings, a see-saw and a roundabout about two years ago. They've been clever and made the swings impossible for the over 10s to get onto, ruling out invasions by flocks of teenagers. The swings are more like rubber/plastic baby seats and not the old style flat swing that you could stand on. They've made the roundabouts smaller so only three or four smallies can get on at one time and each attraction has soft cushion mats underneath so even the most intent compoclaimers will find it difficult to cause damage to themselves. Never a compo claimer myself, I felt bitter for a few seconds as I had a frightening flash back of mangling myself quite badly as a child more than once after being a bit too adventurous on the see-saw.    

Like a granny marvelling at the confusing sight of a Compact Disc (possibly placing it in a dish along with the crockery), I felt quite bamboozled by some of the entertainment facilities now gracing this famous corner of Fitzy's Park. A three legged 'thing' with a blue lump in the centre about seven feet off the ground interested me a lot. Examining it I couldn't imagine its purpose. A bit too high for climbing and the blue thing in the middle didn't reveal any clues on its particular function. Its popularity was also a hint that it might be for the after hours crew.
One could be very jealous of the two new 'novelty adventure stations' as they certainly weren't there 'back in the day' when I was a regular. 

The first one is a fairly straight forward bridge station with a stairs on one side and a netted ladder at the other. I think if I was eight I'd think it was the girly one because of the pink umbrella on top. As I drew closer my suspicions were confirmed. Full of girls...ugggh! The other one was the job though, pure for the lads.

Before I moved to examine the more elaborate, male-dominated adventure station, I couldn't help noticing a seemingly out-of-place yellow pipe sticking out of the ground nearby. It was narrow at the bottom and opened in a cone shape at the end. I marvelled at what it could be for a few moments before a smallie decided to give it a bash. At first I thought the child was mildly retarded as he gurgled quietly into the cone. Then I thought he was stuck as he began to shout. Should I try to alert a parent? I hesitated....where the hell were his guardians? All of a sudden he (quite voluntarily) retracted his crown and happily tore off to the swings uninjured . What was it all about? Sure can't they hear their own echos! Maad!

The second 'adventure station' is quite frankly, the job. If I was four or five years old again my ol' lade would definitely be washing additional underwear after I had come across this. I witnessed several unsuspecting children turn the corner into the park; upon suddenly witnessing such an oasis of entertainment, their bodies completely stalled into a birdish flapping motion. They took deep panicking breaths as eyeballs bulged, overwhelmed by the possibility of such phenomenal entertainment, before gathering themselves and sprinting to it at full velocity. Two slides, a stairs, steps, climbing stuff, a swing and a rope ladder walkway. If you are a smallie this is quite simply heavan. 

I noticed the see-saw was a new and particularly 'cool' version. Very 21st century with a V-shaped axle looking all freshly painted and it didn't even squeak! The huge radius of the landing pad around it made me wonder if this was just a ridiculous regulation stipulated by the Corpo's insurance company or if the manufacturer had actually tested it and some kid managed to be projected four or five times his body length away from the see-saw. It'd be funny to see it happen, no luck while I was there though! All in all it's good to see the old swings and slides are still there. Unlike playstaions, Teenage Turtle Mania and Pok'