Outdoor Gatting Banned

19th Aug 2004

Outdoor Gatting Banned

By the time you finish reading this twenty-five Corkonians will have been struck by flying pub furniture. Many of them will never gat again. With the dramatic increase in the number of tables outside pubs since the smoking ban City Council are proposing to abolish drinking outdoors after 9 O'clock in the latest effort to curb the nightly rioting in Cork city centre.

Rory Gallagher Place a few minutes before 9pm	A few minutes later all hell breaks loose

The horrendous street violence that is making our city centre a no-go area (like Najaf in Iraq) every night of the week is out of control. The thousands of riot police that patrol on horseback each evening are finding it tough going beating back the hordes of drunken louts who would give any group of Millwall supporters a good run for their money. The government must surely be considering a new Guantanamo Bay style detention centre and reopening Spike Island.

To quell the violence it has been mooted that An Garda Shickalony are considering purchasing a number veh-heckles (pronunciation very important) from the RUC in Northern Ireland.Now that Peter Robinson is prepared to go to first base with Gerry Adams and possibly consider sloppy seconds with Martin McGuinness the decrease in violence up North could see hundreds of armoured land rovers making their way to Cork to help suppress the nightly violence.

Cork lawmen could be lobbing you into one of these if you get nabbed gatting outside after 9.	Two pensioners lie in wait on Paul St. to lob boiling tea at passing Corkonians

Do ye remember that ad that used always be on Sunday evenings on RTE around the Sunday Game and Glenroe'