Corkonians Guide to Donegal

28th Jul 2009

Corkonians Guide to Donegal
Finbarr Barry

The north-western tip will try their luck against the island's southern soul this Sunday in Croke Park in the All-Ireland football quarter-final. There are a lot of questions to be answered both on the field and off it. We take great pride in filling you on the latter…

Processed in Sligo. Packed in Leeds.

What are Donegal people trying to say?
Few can tell. The Donegal accent is like no other with twisted warped vowels mangling words and sentences into an indiscernible noise splurge. British code and cipher experts in World War Two are believed to have considered using the Donegal accent as a way to pass classified information to battle commanders via radio.

The project was eventually abandoned however when linguists and mathematicians took up to three days to decode short messages sent to them in the Donegal accent - most which sounded like they were talking about 'brown cows'.

And it's not just in English. The county also claims to have one of the biggest Gaeltachts in the world but with its convoluted dialect even the most seasoned Gaelgóirí down south have trouble making out whether users are speaking the language or have an unusual speech impediment.

It is often said that Irish is spoken less with the lips and more with the back of the throat. If that is the case then Donegal Irish is spoken from the back of the skull. This may explain why Donegal people are said to be able to communicate with cattle.

Daniel looking dashing and slightly disturbing

Does Daniel O'Donnell help or hinder Donegal's cause?
One of Donegal's secret pre-match motivation routines is believed to be a live performance from Irish country singer Daniel O'Donnell each time they tog out. The Donegal diva performs many of his energy sapping 'hits' to his fellow county men as they get ready for action in the dressing room.

With their arms linked and innocent child-like smiles on their faces the players and subs sway gently from side to side as wee Daniel takes them on a musical journey with songs about their beloved isolated county and Daniel's old lade. Insiders claim the sight to be quiet cult like as players slip into a trance while shouting 'go on Daniel'.

Is Tánaiste Mary Coughlan's performance in government motivation for Cork?
What better motivation to beat Donegal out the gate of Croke Park and back to Ballybofey this weekend than knowing that their fellow county woman is one of the root causes of the recession.

Although Donegal has still not pulled itself out of the stock market crash of 1929 it was determined to bring other counties down to its own base economic level by securing one of its own as "first mate" to Offaly's Brian Cowen.

With two weak GAA counties at the helm of the Irish Free State it is no wonder the Dublin led state finances are startling to look like Cork City FC's balance sheet.

Cock-lin not Call-in.

Why is there no hurling in Donegal?
Mainly because any wooden stick shaped for sport in Donegal is more likely to be for defending a wicket than a set of GAA goalposts such is the grá for cricket in the county.

This isn't that surprising as despite its westerly location Donegal is extremely close to the cricket-mad United Kingdom border and has several competitive clubs.

Strangely, despite its 150,000 plus population the county is not being pressurised to fulfil its obligations to field competitive hurling teams and instead sets pitiful goals for the Christy Ring Cup. A thundering scandal if we ever saw one.

What's the Donegal climate like?
When Donegalonians go as far south as Dublin they have to put sun cream on their heads in the middle of winter so pale is their skin. Many of them pass out by the time they get to Meath. The few that venture to Munster are more often that not treated for heat stroke. That'll give you an idea.

Summertime in Donegal

In Donegal itself you can be arrested for deliberately putting yourself in danger by wearing a t-shirt or short pants anywhere in the county - you may freeze to death within seconds such are the artic temperatures that ruin the country.

Summer temperatures are improving with global warming however and in 2007 Donegal got its very first ice-cream van. Unfortunately it was decommissioned a few weeks later when it collided with a snow plough on duty in Ballybofey.

Why did Tony Davis go blank on The Sunday Game?
On Sunday night RTE panellist and Cork football legend Davis was asked by Des Cahill for his thoughts on Donegal's limp victory over a shambolic Galway.

For a few unbearably awkward moments the Rebel appeared to lose his concentration - much like when you were asked a question by a maths teacher but were busy doing your Irish homework under the desk and hadn't the foggiest about what was asked. Eh? Well? Em…er….

Davis fails to come up with something positive about Donegal on the Sunday Game. Click here to watch it@approx 1hr 26min.

Davis of course was just deep in thought (clearly a bit too deep) - imaging the massacre of Donegal that will take place next Sunday as the Rebels make mince meat of the Ulster whipping boys. Either that or he suddenly realised that Des's hair couldn't possibly be that black without being dyed.

The presenter then offered the question a second time after which Davis returned to normality - like a computer that needed a quick reboot. In the end the Skibbereen native finally came up with something positive about the northerners.

Come out and support the Rebels this Sunday at Croke Park!

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