Buckley and The Cure Back Rebels

7th Aug 2008

Vortex to Heaven May Open at Croker
Danny Elbow

Bishop Buckley revealed in a sermon earlier today that should Cork hurlers and footballers both win on Sunday that a vortex to Heaven may open in the middle of Croke Park shortly after the final whistle.

Buckley: Vortex may allow Corkonians direct entry to the afterlife in the event of a double victory on Sunday. Match traffic in the vortex may be heavy however so devotees should leave early.

In a fire and brimstone speech, not untypical of the well known Bowling Bishop he allegedly declared that should there be a double victory such will be the Divine achievement of Cork's sporting elite that Holy God may decide to bring the Cork players and a large number of dedicated fans directly to Heaven on Sunday evening.

"It is not clear", he conceeded,"whether the Lord intends to keep the Cork players in Heaven permanently or whether it will be a short tour to boost morale upstairs. Himself would be acutely aware that the players will be needed by their clubs later in the week and may make allowances for that."

In response, sceptics such as Church of St. Finbarr and Latter Day Rebels minister Douglas Weaklee said Bishop Buckley had misinterpreted the reference to "Heaven". The Shamrock Lawn based reverend believes that 'Heaven' may have actually implied the Rebel County itself and the only vortex required will be the train back home to Leeside on Sunday evening.

This would reduce bainisteoir Gerald McCarthy and Conor Counihan's selection headaches for later in the season.

THE CURE
Meanwhile, Cork fan and lead singer of The Cure, Robert Smith has released a new version of the British band's famous tune "Love Cats" dedicated to Sunday's hurling match against Kilkenny. Recorded at Red FM's Curaheen studios the singer jetted yesterday for the session with one of the station's breakfast presenters KC.

>> Click here to listen