Ahern Writing Sport for British Tabloid

17th Aug 2009

Ahern a National Embarrasment


Former twenty-five county prime minister Bertie Ahern has reached a new low. Not content with dragging Ireland and Cork into the economic gutter the Drumcondra Demon has decided to hop into the mire himself with his new appointment as a sports columnist with a British publication.

Like several of its cringing rivals The News of the World is another British tabloid scandal sheet pretending to be both a reporter of facts and worst of all, Irish.

With this latest descent into the Tommy Murphy Cup of journalism, Ahern has given the public who he (allegedly) served a firm two fingers: I wrecked the economy but I couldn't give a shite - I'm writing about roundy balls on grass now.

The boom indeed gets "boomier" but only if you're B.A. Tabloid culture has helped make scandal hungry Little Britain what it is and by grabbing all the sterling he can get (wouldn't be the first time would it?) Ahern endorses the deplorable sensationalistic gutter press and its drive into Dublin and beyond.

Tony Blair, Britain's former prime minister who entered and departed office on a similar schedule to Ahern is currently working as a peace envoy in the Middle East. Former Taoiseach John Bruton is the EU's envoy in Washington, former Fine Gael leader Alan Dukes was parachuted into Anglo Irish bank to try to save it from sinking the Irish economy adding some credibility to their names having left the rough and tumble of national politics.

Meanwhile in Shenanigan-land, Ahern is penning his opinions on sporting matters for a British tabloid purporting to be Irish. As we all know most readers of mockeyeah Oirish tabloids will reach his column only when they've "taken care" of the scantily clad models further up the rag. Mmmm classy.

Furthermore, the Liffeyside clown's one and only appearance on The Premiership, a flagship Saturday evening show on Dublin TV station RTE was a cringing embarrassment. The man couldn't articulate himself in Dáil Éireann on the very topics he was supposed to be an expert on so how RTE believed he might be capable of anything bar stuttering gombeen talk on live TV is a mystery. A once off novelty that became car crash TV.

Blabbering, pausing and bullshitting his way through analysis on the show Ahern's non-opinions must make for frightful work for the poor journalist apprentice taking them down over the phone (you didn't think he'd type it himself did you?).

"Er…Mr. Ahern did you actually see the game you're talking about?"

Real journalistic temptations to ask about tax clearance certificates, dig outs, developers and bail outs are sidelined for the short headline grabbing novelty "benefit" that a former leader, suspected of unprecedented corruption and still under investigation by a tribunal, the architect of the downturn, is writing tripe for a British tabloid.

Thankfully today is another day that Cork is closer to cessation from the Irish Republic and its plummeting morals.