Investigation Into Presence of Yacht On Northside
An investigation has been launched by the Royal Cork Yacht Club after a yacht was seen on the Northside of Cork city earlier today.
The yacht measuring over 25ft, which was spotted on Blarney Street by a passer-by, was attached to a trailer being towed by a landrover which was unable to complete its descent to Shandon Street as the yacht’s mast got stuck against the wall of a house at St. Vincent’s Place.
Gardaí from the leafy suburb of Douglas were quickly on the scene and verified the presence of a large posh thing on the Northside to their superiors in Crosshaven.
|Dire straits: Yacht crashes into a house at St. Vincent's Place on Blarney Street|
Reaction across the Southside has been one of shock. The inquiry’s terms and conditions have yet to be agreed but it will focus on how a yacht managed to end up on the Northside - a mystery put on a par by many Southsiders with how a Malaysian airline heading north ended up off Australia.
“This is outrageous”, said one shopper in Douglas Village Shopping Centre leafing through a copy of Yachts & Yachting Monthly, “is anything sacred? The next thing you know people up there will be sending their children to rugby schools. ”
Northsiders have found themselves equally shocked at the sight of a yacht nestling in a bed of fail on Blarney Street.
“C’mere buoy, this is very embarrassing for the area”, said Assumpta Walsh, a life-long professional elderly lady, “but it’s going to be fantastic for anyone who knows the owner. The wind-ups and ball-hopping they are going to endure for the rest of their lives after getting caught on Blarney Street with a YACHT…morto, like!”
|It's all about the haves and the have-knots|
The Anti-Austerity Alliance are holding a meeting tonight at The Hut in Gurranabraher demanding yachts for everyone.
“How come diss fella got a yacht? Where’s my yacht?”, said a party spokesman almost bursting a blood vessel, “This is a stern warning to the government: it’s a boat time we were all treated fairly. This incident on Blarney street is totally unfathomable at a time when people are experiencing fierce hardship.”
Northside groups have appealed for calm and asked citizens not to go overboard. Queues of people claiming to be suffering from sea-sickness have already have been reported outside doctor’s surgeries.
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