Cork Winded by Hurricane Finbarr

 

Hurricane Finbarr is still raging in Cork with winds of up to “fierce gusty” and “whip right through ya boy” causing mayhem and discomfort in the city.

Cork is reeling from infrastructural damage from hurricane Finbarr - including reports of two pubs with collapsed railings and one outside Costa Coffee on Emmet Place. Reports say nobody was killed but one man was said to be “quite annoyed” and considered going inside with his latté which was cooling at a startling rate in the TERROR GALES.

In another instance a pedestrian on Parnell Place lost her return bus ticket to Drimoleague when a DEVIOUS GUST blew it out of her HEAVING CLEAVAGE. Gardaí at Angelsea Street have set up a roadblock and are making door to door enquiries.

According to Met Corcaigh “a balls of a low pressure” sitting off the Kerry coastline (typical) that is acting the complete langer is responsible for the bedlam and it may take until the weekend for it to skirt on.



 

It’s like a fella langers and singing out of tune outside a closed pub on a Tuesday night who just won’t f*ck off”, said a spokesman.

In something akin to dolphins appearing unusually early, Cork SCOBES who usually only wear two-piece tracksuits have even been seen wearing light jackets and pulling their tracksuit tops up around their chins in an effort to stave off the BLISTERINGLY COLD temperatures of as low as 7 degrees Celsius.

AA Roadwatch warned that Cork motorists should be extremely careful on the roads making sure to keep their heaters on at least the medium setting to ensure they don’t get PNEUMONIA.

One driver's in his mid-teens had his fiver blown out of his hand at the M7 toll in Fermoy. He was taken to a local bouncey castle for decompression treatment where his condition was said to be stable.

 
 
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