Roy Keane rant-fiction

[KD Langer]

Here Richie.

Read this. One of the best ever threads on the PROC.

 

[KD Langer]

"right lads, I said. A team are going to line up 4 2 3 1. B team the usual 4 4 2. blank faces from A team. the kind of face you had when you first tried long division. I drew it on the whiteboard. big circles. smithy, you go here, holding midfield, jamesy, you're in the hole. again with the blank faces. a hand goes up. what smithy? can I play midfield? are you deaf? I just told you, you're in the hole, attacking midfield. jesus wept. amateurs. we start training. headless chickens. the lads can't understand splitting up the midfield between defense and attack. two of them actually run into each other. I grab jamesy by the neck and throw him off the field. enough jamesy! I yell. this is how you do it. I stop training and show them some clips from the semi final against juventus. just do this lads, it's not hard. training starts again. I take holding midfield. I see B team centre forward blake acting a bit flash. I go in on him hard. just below the knee. I think. he wails. grow some balls ffs. he was out for 3 months after. he won't do it again. training ends. 0-0. disgusted. it was the under 7s, but still, you expect a certain level of commitment.

 

[CORKBHOY]

Forgot about this gem

 

[KD Langer]

I've seen it all, for I am Roy Keane
Risen from the dead, old man with wrinkled beard,
Can see at the violet hour, the evening fucking hour
Because I do not hope to turn again,
Because I do not hope to tackle,
Because I do not hope,
Desiring Giggsy's gifts and Cantona's scope,
(Why should the agèd eagle stretch its wings?)
Why should I fucking mourn
The vanished power of United's reign?
(and I Roy Keane have foresuffered all
have seen it all already), seen it fucking all
And it was noth'n' to be afraid of.





with apologies to T.S. Eliot






nah, fuck that, I'm not apologising to no dead fucking poet, apology withdrawn. What do poets know about football anyway? I was at UCC collecting my doctorate and Brendan Kennelly said to me "reckon Ireland have a good chance of qualifying?"

"You pretentious twat", I thought

etc. etc.

Just skimming this thread, but this post is Wow, just fucking wow.

 

[Roundyfield]

Just skimming this thread, but this post is Wow, just fucking wow.

Excellent work

 

[J.R.R. hartley]

https://twitter.com/x/status/1649708268187418624