Jokes thread......

[Matlock]

What do kittens eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.

What do you call a monkey with a banana in his ear?
Anything you want, he can't hear you.

What kind of witch goes to the beach?
A sandwich

What kind of train gets a cold?
Achoo choo train.

(The small boy got a joke book. Shoot me now...)

 

[Drucker]

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

 

[Drucker]

My wife told me I'd have to stop my hobby of flamingo impersonation.
I had to put my foot down.....

 

[Meridian]

 

[sigourney's knickers]

Magician comes on stage and gives his pledge.

And then, the turn ... a front line of stunning blonde women walk on stage also.

Then the pledge....

I shall now showcase a cunning array of stunts.

 

[Drucker]

Magician comes on stage and gives his pledge.

And then, the turn ... a front line of stunning blonde women walk on stage also.

Then the pledge....

I shall now showcase a cunning array of stunts.

That should be “an array of cunning stunts.”


Fail.


Mortified for you.

 

[sigourney's knickers]

That should be “an array of cunning stunts.”


Fail.


Mortified for you.

Stunning array of cunts works just as well.

IT REALLY REALLY DOES!!!!

 

[Drucker]

Stunning array of cunts works just as well.

IT REALLY REALLY DOES!!!!

Sorry, it doesn’t

It’s as bad as:

“What do you call a harbour full of Fannys?”


“A Port ‘O Gees.”


Or “what do you call a bag of fannies?”

“Clitoris allsorts.”


They just don’t work and are pathetically stupid.

Up your game.

 

[Great-Bit-O-Stuff]

 

[Skybluebarry1]

Paddy and Mick were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation,
Paddy answered, 'Knicker Stitcher.. I sew da elastic onto ladies' knickers and thongs..'
The clerk looked up Knicker Stitcher on his computer and, finding it classified as unskilled labour, he gave him 80 Euro a week unemployment pay.
Mick was next in and when asked his occupation replied, 'Diesel Fitter.'
Since a diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick 160 Euro a week.
When Paddy found out he was furious.. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, 'Knicker Stitchers are unskilled labour and Diesel Fitters are skilled labour.'
'What skill?' yelled Paddy. 'I sew da elastic on da knickers and thongs, then Mick puts 'em over his head and says: 'Yep, diesel fitter.'......