Jokes thread......

[Hallbopping]

 

[Hallbopping]

View attachment 41822

 

[gaffer falls]

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
The pump attendant, who obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
"Top of the mornin' to yer, sir" says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
"What are those?, asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Tiger.
"Well, what on the god's earth are they
for?" inquires the Irishman.
"They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving", says Tiger.
"Feckin Hell", says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything !

25K​

 

[sigourney's knickers]

 

[Skybluebarry1]

Boy comes home and tells his parents he has just had sex for the first time.
The proud Dad says 'I'll buy you a bike to celebrate, but you will have to wait until next pay day"

the boy replies 'that's alright Dad, my arse is too sore to ride it anyway'
Had my first Gig as a stand up comedian at an old people's home last night.

They didn't get any of my jokes but they still pissed themselves.


What is the medical term for the fatty tissue surrounding the clitoris?

The wife



Essex girl in bed with her boyfriend says, 'How dare you call me a

slapper, get out of my bed right now and take your f****ing mates with you'

Teacher: 'Why weren't you at school yesterday?'

Little Tommy: 'My grandfather got burnt'

Teacher: 'Badly?'

Little Tommy: 'Yes, they don't f*ck about at the crematorium.'


Hubby has ' I love you' tatooed on his penis, and goes home to show his

wife, she says 'There you go again, trying to put words in my mouth'

 

[Yorkman]

I was walking through a graveyard recently and saw a man get up from behind a gravestone.

Morning I said.

No he said, just making a shit

 

[Hallbopping]

 

[Great-Bit-O-Stuff]

 

[Dr. Aaoouh]

A farmer buys a young cock. As soon as he gets home, it fucks all of his 150 hens. The farmer is impressed. At lunch, the cock again screws all 150 hens. Next day it's fucking the ducks and the geese, too. Sadly, later in the day the farmer finds the cock lying on the ground half-dead and vultures circling over its head."​

"The farmer yells, 'You deserve it, you horny bastard!' The cock slowly opens one eye, looks up at the sky, and whispers, 'Shhhhhh, They're about to land!!!

 

[Skybluebarry1]

Interesting piece of history…


In 1872 the Welsh invented the condom, using a sheep's lower intestine.

In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the sheep first.