Jokes thread......

[Skybluebarry1]

I feel stupid. I lost the pub trivia on the last question last night.
The question was, "Where do woman have the curliest hair"?
Apparently, the answer is Fiji.

 

[Stromovka]

 

[Stromovka]

 

[Skybluebarry1]

A woman's dog is drowning in the sea. A passing German tourist dives in, pulls out the dog. The he resuscitates it and saves its life.

'Are you a vet' asked the woman.

'Vet?' said the German 'Im f…ing soaked!'


I saw a fortune teller the other day.
She told me I would come into some money.

Last night I shagged a woman called Penny!
Spooky or what.....!



3 blonde girls were walking in some fields and came across some tracks.

"They're deer tracks" Said the first.
"No, badger tracks" Said the second
"No, fox tracks I think" Said the 3rd

They were still stood there arguing when the train hit them.

 

[TheOutdoorThreadmill]

 

[sigourney's knickers]

Birmingham and the waste problem has caused a massive rat infestation.

So much so they are now referred to as the 'Squeaky Blinders'.

 

[Stromovka]

 

[Skybluebarry1]

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a
small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery in Dublin.. Irish search
and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that
number to climb as digging continues into the night.

1000 men surveyed were asked why they like bl*wjobs: 1% liked the warmth 2%
liked the sensation 3% liked the eroticism & 94% just
liked the peace and quiet

 

[Skybluebarry1]

I got one of those dodgy e mails today.

Dear sir or madam

Can you spare just Euro5.00? Ranji is a 9yr old boy living in Zambia .

He has only 1 leg, 1 arm and 1 eye. Each day he has to ride 7 miles to
school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes
and only 1 pedal.

If you send us just Euro5.00, we will send you the video

- its f***inghilarious.

 

[Skybluebarry1]

Couple on honeymoon, in hotel room undressig.. Groom removes socks. Bride asks whats wrong with your feet,your toes look all mangled?
I had TOLIO as child. U mean polio? No TOLIO, the disease only affected my toes.
Groom removes trousers &bride asks whats wrong withi your knees, they're lumpy&deformed?
I had KNEASLES. U mean measles? No KNEASLES- an illness that only affected my knees. Groom removes his boxers.
Dont tell me, she said - SMALLCOX?