Jokes thread......

[Skybluebarry1]

I met a fairy today who granted me one wish.

"I want to live forever" I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that".

"Fine" I said.

"I want to die when Tottenham win the premier league then".

"You crafty c**t" said the fairy.

 

[Skybluebarry1]

Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex position.

One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours, and you mount her from behind.

Then you reach around, cup her t**s, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.'

Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."

 

[Skybluebarry1]

My wife came into the lounge and asked why our two year old son was screaming.

"He kicked me in the balls," I snarled.

"He doesn't understand that it hurts," she said.



"He f***ing does now," I replied.

 

[Great-Bit-O-Stuff]

After 3 months...

 

[The Waco Kid]

lol

 

[Stromovka]

 

[Skybluebarry1]

stayed at the Ritz hotel in London & took a card from a phone box on Oxford St. offering "Sordid sex & other pleasures"
Back at the Hotel I rang the number.A lady with a silky soft voice asked if she could be of any help.

I said "I'd like a blow job, a straight shag, then doggie style, mild bondage, a few minutes of anal & finish off with a tit *****. Is that OK?"















The lady replied, "Sounds like fun, Sir, but you might like to dial 9 first for an outside line.

 

[Skybluebarry1]

A Spurs fan goes to heaven, "sorry we don't have your lot in here." Says Peter.

The Spurs fan complains, "but I've lead a good and generous life, last week I gave ten pounds to a hungry tramp,
then ten pounds to a homeless shelter and ten pounds to age concern."

St.Peter says he will have a word with God.







After five minutes St.Peter returns and
says, "OK, I've spoken with God and he agrees with me, here's your thirty quid back, now f**k off!"

 

[Skybluebarry1]

saw a spurs fan lying unconscious in the seven sisters road yesterday. I tried doing the hand-only CPR the way Vinnie Jones showed me on the British Heart Foundation TV advert,



but by the time I found my Bee Gee's CD the fu**er was already dead.

 

[TheOutdoorThreadmill]

https://twitter.com/x/status/1876847371197243761