Jokes thread......

Three little ducks go into a Bar......
"Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.
"Huey," was the reply.
"How's your day been, Huey?"
"Great.. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey
"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked..
"Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"
The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?"
"No," she said, batting her eyelashes.
"My name is Puddles.
 
A guy walks into a bar and sees a jar of 100$ bills on the counter He asks the bartender "Hey, what's with the jar?" The bartender replies "Well, we have a running challenge here in the bar. It has three parts. If you look at the end there, you'll see Big Jim. Big Jim is the baddest motherfucker in town. You have to knock Big Jim out." The guy looks down to see a 6'4 300lb guy and says "Well, I don't think I can do that. What's the other two parts?" "After that, you have to go outside. Around back is where we keep Big Jim's dog. He's the baddest junkyard dog you've ever seen. You have to go get a tooth out of his mouth. And then, when you're done with that you have to go upstairs. There you'll find Big Jim's mom. She's 70 years old and never had an orgasm in her life. You've gotta go up there and **** her to completion." The man says "Wow, I can see why the jar is so full." After a few hours of drinking the man get sloppy drunk and says "**** it," slaps down a $100 and jumps up on the bar and runs down and kicks Big Jim square in the jaw knocking him out cold. The bartender is stunned, as this is the furthest anyone has made it. The man runs outside to the cheers of the patrons and everyone hears snarling and growling and grows silent. Moments later they hear the dog whimper and then yelp, then nothing. Moments later the man drunkenly stumbles back in and says "Alright, now where's the old lady with the tooth?"
 

RossiRebel

Full Member
A guy walks into a bar and sees a jar of 100$ bills on the counter He asks the bartender "Hey, what's with the jar?" The bartender replies "Well, we have a running challenge here in the bar. It has three parts. If you look at the end there, you'll see Big Jim. Big Jim is the baddest motherfucker in town. You have to knock Big Jim out." The guy looks down to see a 6'4 300lb guy and says "Well, I don't think I can do that. What's the other two parts?" "After that, you have to go outside. Around back is where we keep Big Jim's dog. He's the baddest junkyard dog you've ever seen. You have to go get a tooth out of his mouth. And then, when you're done with that you have to go upstairs. There you'll find Big Jim's mom. She's 70 years old and never had an orgasm in her life. You've gotta go up there and **** her to completion." The man says "Wow, I can see why the jar is so full." After a few hours of drinking the man get sloppy drunk and says "**** it," slaps down a $100 and jumps up on the bar and runs down and kicks Big Jim square in the jaw knocking him out cold. The bartender is stunned, as this is the furthest anyone has made it. The man runs outside to the cheers of the patrons and everyone hears snarling and growling and grows silent. Moments later they hear the dog whimper and then yelp, then nothing. Moments later the man drunkenly stumbles back in and says "Alright, now where's the old lady with the tooth?"
Oldie but goodie
 

Great-Bit-O-Stuff

Full Member
Bob's wife was really miffed at him when he forgot their 20th wedding anniversary and she shouted at him "Tomorrow morning I want to see something in our driveway that goes from 0-180 in 3 seconds flat otherwise you can pack your bags and get out !"
The next morning when she woke,she looked out of the bedroom window and saw a small brown package in the driveway so got dressed and ran downstairs and outside to pick it up and bring it indoors.
She opened it up to reveal a set of weighing scales !
Bob hasn't been seen since.
 

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