Jokes thread......

[westieboyo]

A barrister arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight.
His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling depressed. when he walked through the door at home, his wife started on at him: “What time of night to be getting home is this?
He headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realising what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
“They’re not hanging Wright tonight,” she said.
To which he whirled around and screamed: “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?

 

[Lee Bushwacker]

a barrister arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight.
His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling depressed. When he walked through the door at home, his wife started on at him: “what time of night to be getting home is this?
He headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, james wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realising what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
“they’re not hanging wright tonight,” she said.
To which he whirled around and screamed: “for the love of god, woman, don’t you ever stop?

 

[SoundMan]

A barrister arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight.
His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling depressed. when he walked through the door at home, his wife started on at him: “What time of night to be getting home is this?
He headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realising what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
“They’re not hanging Wright tonight,” she said.
To which he whirled around and screamed: “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?

:lol:

 

[Handy Run]

What goes "clip clop clip clop bang bang clippity clop clippity clop........."?
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An Limerick drive by shooting

fyp m8

 

[westieboyo]

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.​

He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early enough, decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little touch here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished...Naturally, (since he was her husband.) Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." "Did you dance much ?" "You know, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Browning and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to."

 

[westieboyo]

President Biden invites the Pope to lunch on a boat. The Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.​

The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it."
Then Joe climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up,
walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.
The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope's entourage were speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.
But that afternoon Choon posted on the Biden thread:
"BIDEN CAN'T SWIM"

 

[Dr. Aaoouh]

Click

 

[Carmona]

Jeez, Westie's jokes are getting better. Well done, lad.

 

[Lee Bushwacker]

A couple was invited to a swanky costume party. Unfortunately, the wife came down with a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.​

He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early enough, decided to go the party. Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little touch here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished...Naturally, (since he was her husband.) Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour. She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had. He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." "Did you dance much ?" "You know, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Browning and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to."

 

[skybluebarry]

My wife left me after i blew all our savings on a penis extension, she's left me a note saying, "She can't take it any longer!