I was going to PM this to
@Hallbopping but there is no personal information in it and it occurred to me that it might be of interest or use to others on here.
Firstly, the courts do not care why you are splitting up, or who was at fault. They are not there to punish bad behaviour. The only exception to this is situations of domestic violence. Apart from that, your anger at your ex will only cloud the court proceedings and cause you to make decisions and give instructions from a place of revenge rather than logic. Go see a therapist to deal with the emotional fallout (which is significant, even if relatively cordial separations. It can be life ruining in more contentious cases).
In terms of what the courts do care about, it's three things and three things only. Property, maintenance, custody.
Even if you have agreed all of the financial stuff yourselves, you still need to be able to present all of this information to the Court as the Judge needs to be able to be satisfied that proper provision is made for both of you, and especially for any children. So you both need to write out a statement of all of your
Assets- property, pension, investments etc
Liabilities- mortgage, loans, etc
Income - you need payslips, p60 etc
Expenditure- where the money goes.
You need to have proof for every thing you claim. Get started on this early as it can take a while to get bank statements, pension details etc.
If there are no kids, this is all that really matters. In terms of the split, generally we rarely award spousal maintenance unless the parties have worked in a joint enterprise that is in the name of one person (family farm for example). Most of the time, the court looks at who brought what money into the relationship, how was that money managed during the relationship and what's an equitable split now.
If there are kids, then the next issues are custody/access and maintenance. I think that the best starting point is to sit down together and try and work out what sort of parents they want to be as a separated couple. It moves the focus from an adversarial one to a more collaborative one. Generally Judges don't care what your custody/access arrangements are as long as you are both happy with them, and it seems workable for the child (in that they are not being made to travel huge distances to school or the likes). In terms of maintenance, I suggest people start by working out the needs of the child and the cost of those needs, rather than looking at it from the pov of how much money each parent has. Again, it helps to make it less adversarial. Child maintenance is for the child, but if they are predominantly living with one parent, then part of the needs of that child are heating/light/rent etc. It isn't just for clothes and birthday parties!
Ideally, you would be heading into a Solicitor with all of your financial information gathered and exchanged and a broad parenting plan in place.
In terms of paperwork, you need to decide who will be the applicant and who will be the respondent. The applicant issues the proceedings and their bill will be higher. If people are very much in agreement, sometimes they are happy to take both sets of legal fees and split them 50/50. I think that's the fairest way, but it can get tricky if one party starts to act the maggot in terms of court applications during the process.
If it is straightforward though, this is how it goes
Applicant issues proceedings, to explain to the Court and the respondent the circumstances of the marriage, and the reasons and time line for divorce. It also sets out what they are looking for. A word of caution, every single thing will be listed in this (they want the house, full custody etc etc) The reason for this is that if something isn't in that list then the Judge can't award it, even if circumstances change during the course of the trial. So don't look at it as a list of demands. It is just a list of every available option. With the proceedings, the applicant has to file their Affidavit of means (which is the list of financial docs) and if there are kids, also an Affidavit of welfare, which sets out their living and working situations so the Judge can assess if the custody/access arrangements are reasonable.
The Applicant (or their Solicitor in reality) serves these documents on the Respondent. The Respondent has to file a document called an Appearance, which is basically a letter stating "I got the proceedings, these are my Solicitors (or I am self representing) and I will gather together my documents now"
The the respondent has to serve a document called a Defence, which is not actually defending anything! It is a reply to the Proceedings, listing out what parts of the proceedings they agree with, what parts are not agreed and what they are looking for from the Court. Again, like the proceedings, they will list all possible options to give the Judge all of the options. The Defendant has to file their Affidavit of Means and Welfare at this time.
So, at this point, both sides have sight of the documents. If all is agreed, then the people meet with their Solicitors/ barristers and the write out an agreement, and sign it.
If you have pensions, then you have to get a court order called a pension adjustment order. Even if the agreement is that neither of you will claim off the other's pension, because you have a right to it as a spouse then there has to be a court order to amend that. The PAO will be granted on the same date as the divorce.
We have a thing called case progression in family law. All cases get listed before the county registrar and you have to go and update them on what's happening. If someone hasn't filed their paperwork then she can sanction them. It is basically a way to keep cases moving as sometimes (especially if the separation is not a mutual decision) people ignore the court documents. Once you can tell the county reg that you have agreed the case, you get moved to a Judges consent list and get a hearing date.
At the hearing, only one person has to give evidence, generally the Applicant. The get into the witness box, confirm that the marriage cert that is handed to the Judge is theirs, and confirm that the parties have agreed terms of divorce, which are also handed to the Judge. Judge reads them, might ask a few questions and then grants the divorce. Usually takes 10 mins max.
That's how consent divorce works.
Contested divorce starts the same and then once the paperwork is filed it all goes to shit! If one person doesn't believe the affidavits of the other then there can be discovery, or PI evidence etc. If they can agree interim access/maintenance then there are interim applications for those things. That's when it starts to get really messy and expensive.
If anyone has questions I will do my best to answer them.
I am not engaging with lawyer bashing though.
