Jokes thread......

[Lee Bushwacker]

View attachment 12196

 

[sigourney's knickers]

Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“To.”

“To who?”

“Actually, it’s to whom.”

I'm an owl, tosspot.

 

[Meridian]

 

[Pontipine]

 

[Lee Bushwacker]

View attachment 12308

 

[Meridian]

 

[SoundMan]

Oldie but Corny

3 pieces of twine outside of an early-hours pub all gasping for a drink
"This place doesn't serve the likes of us" says one but they decide to try anyway
First goes in and the barman says "Are you a piece of twine?"
"Yes I am"
"Get out, we don't serve pieces of twine in here"
Next one goes in
"Are you a piece of twine?"
"Yes I am"
"Get out, we don't serve pieces of twine in here"
Third one scruffs himself up a bit and twists his body before going in
"Are you a piece of twine"





























"No, I'm a frayed knot"





















Hey! At least it's clean!

 

[Great-Bit-O-Stuff]

Tony was talking to a lifelong friend ,Peter, and said to him "Yesterday, my wife ran away with my best friend ,Mike"
Peter raised an eyebrow and inquired "Since when was Mike your best friend?"
Tony replied "Since yesterday!"

 

[bluesball]

Man UTD will challenge both Liverpool ans Man City next year for the premiership

 

[Matlock]

I have this friend, love him to bits, but his wife has a tendency of just constantly showing everyone pictures of their son at every social event.

At the start it was understandable, but now I'm just like 'Lady, it's been two years; they're not going to find him.'"