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  #1  
Old 08-10-2014, 12:28 AM
The Curious Lozenge The Curious Lozenge is offline
 
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Posts: 24,906
Default Roy Keane rant-fiction

inspired by jinky's classic below, share some keane rantfic of your own.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jinky View Post
You could make them up at this stage.

"It was just myself, Buttsy, Scholesly and Becks. In he walks. Thinking he owns the fucking place. He puts his boots into his bag; left one first, right one second, like he's fucking Maradona or something. Here we go. The shorts. Which is more important to you? The boots or the shorts? Luke fucking Chadwick you snivelling cunt"
"we were having pasta before training. all of us sitting there, having our pasta. young teddy bishop from the youth set up strolls in. young lad, lot of chest puffing, trying to make a name for himself. "fucking pasta again gaffer?" he says, before looking around the table with a smirk. acting the hard man. some hard man alright. i took his pasta off him and gave it to old jim wilshaw the kit man, who liked his food did jim. "there's a pie and mash shop down the road teddy, why don't you fuck off down there and stuff your face, eat as much as you like you fat fuck you won't be getting anywhere near the first team in the foreseeable". i gave him 2.50 for it too. he'd have some left over for crisps. salt and vinegar i suppose. some hard man alright. i looked around the table. no other other pie and mash candidates there. we lost to huddersfield 3-0."
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Originally Posted by sunbabe08 View Post
When did Italy become a Latin country?
Quote:
Originally Posted by nelly sham View Post
it's about time they made this similar to the 7s and broth in a bowl, plate, shield to give teams more gams.
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  #2  
Old 08-10-2014, 12:57 AM
Michael P Splonk Michael P Splonk is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 29,447
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Following the 2 nil defeat to hull after the dancing queen episode I decided to take matters into my own hands.

Clive Clark called for the eldery DJ to take charge of the records as we set off for or make or break game with Shrewsbury.
The bus was only a mile down the road when I heard that Gary Barlow song come on. I was fuming. 'Dancing queen. Back for good. This is a fucking relegation battle we're in and they're listening to this shite.

I couldn't take it anymore and launched at him. 'Take that? You cunt'.

The whole bus errupted in laughter.

It was only on the way home I got it. I loaned Clive out on the Monday morning.

We lost 1 nil.
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  #3  
Old 08-10-2014, 03:18 AM
Tommy L Tommy L is offline
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Nyon
Posts: 13,415
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Transfer deadline blues

" Looking at him I imagine myself catching him by the scruff of the neck and saying listen you cunt stop the laughing and joking and get some fucking deals done.

A list of twenty three players I've sent Quinn and as of yet none have been signed two fucking days before the window shuts, himself and some suits are discussing some social function plans when I says how about get some fucking deals done before ye sort your night on the town, I see the shock and disbelief on Quinns face its not the sort of language this room is a costumed to he turns red and by the way la needs to use the toilet.

Two days left and its just not happening."
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  #4  
Old 08-10-2014, 08:41 AM
The Curious Lozenge The Curious Lozenge is offline
 
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"right lads, I said. A team are going to line up 4 2 3 1. B team the usual 4 4 2. blank faces from A team. the kind of face you had when you first tried long division. I drew it on the whiteboard. big circles. smithy, you go here, holding midfield, jamesy, you're in the hole. again with the blank faces. a hand goes up. what smithy? can I play midfield? are you deaf? I just told you, you're in the hole, attacking midfield. jesus wept. amateurs. we start training. headless chickens. the lads can't understand splitting up the midfield between defense and attack. two of them actually run into each other. I grab jamesy by the neck and throw him off the field. enough jamesy! I yell. this is how you do it. I stop training and show them some clips from the semi final against juventus. just do this lads, it's not hard. training starts again. I take holding midfield. I see B team centre forward blake acting a bit flash. I go in on him hard. just below the knee. I think. he wails. grow some balls ffs. he was out for 3 months after. he won't do it again. training ends. 0-0. disgusted. it was the under 7s, but still, you expect a certain level of commitment.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunbabe08 View Post
When did Italy become a Latin country?
Quote:
Originally Posted by nelly sham View Post
it's about time they made this similar to the 7s and broth in a bowl, plate, shield to give teams more gams.
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  #5  
Old 08-10-2014, 08:49 AM
Happyhonkaman Happyhonkaman is online now
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 16,872
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Curious Lozenge View Post
"right lads, I said. A team are going to line up 4 2 3 1. B team the usual 4 4 2. blank faces from A team. the kind of face you had when you first tried long division. I drew it on the whiteboard. big circles. smithy, you go here, holding midfield, jamesy, you're in the hole. again with the blank faces. a hand goes up. what smithy? can I play midfield? are you deaf? I just told you, you're in the hole, attacking midfield. jesus wept. amateurs. we start training. headless chickens. the lads can't understand splitting up the midfield between defense and attack. two of them actually run into each other. I grab jamesy by the neck and throw him off the field. enough jamesy! I yell. this is how you do it. I stop training and show them some clips from the semi final against juventus. just do this lads, it's not hard. training starts again. I take holding midfield. I see B team centre forward blake acting a bit flash. I go in on him hard. just below the knee. I think. he wails. grow some balls ffs. he was out for 3 months after. he won't do it again. training ends. 0-0. disgusted. it was the under 7s, but still, you expect a certain level of commitment.
great stuff LozzY
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  #6  
Old 08-10-2014, 08:59 AM
Eoin Eoin is offline
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Dublin
Posts: 30,132
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Curious Lozenge View Post
"right lads, I said. A team are going to line up 4 2 3 1. B team the usual 4 4 2. blank faces from A team. the kind of face you had when you first tried long division. I drew it on the whiteboard. big circles. smithy, you go here, holding midfield, jamesy, you're in the hole. again with the blank faces. a hand goes up. what smithy? can I play midfield? are you deaf? I just told you, you're in the hole, attacking midfield. jesus wept. amateurs. we start training. headless chickens. the lads can't understand splitting up the midfield between defense and attack. two of them actually run into each other. I grab jamesy by the neck and throw him off the field. enough jamesy! I yell. this is how you do it. I stop training and show them some clips from the semi final against juventus. just do this lads, it's not hard. training starts again. I take holding midfield. I see B team centre forward blake acting a bit flash. I go in on him hard. just below the knee. I think. he wails. grow some balls ffs. he was out for 3 months after. he won't do it again. training ends. 0-0. disgusted. it was the under 7s, but still, you expect a certain level of commitment.
Fantastic!
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  #7  
Old 08-10-2014, 09:03 AM
mightyquark mightyquark is offline
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 7,460
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Curious Lozenge View Post
"right lads, I said. A team are going to line up 4 2 3 1. B team the usual 4 4 2. blank faces from A team. the kind of face you had when you first tried long division. I drew it on the whiteboard. big circles. smithy, you go here, holding midfield, jamesy, you're in the hole. again with the blank faces. a hand goes up. what smithy? can I play midfield? are you deaf? I just told you, you're in the hole, attacking midfield. jesus wept. amateurs. we start training. headless chickens. the lads can't understand splitting up the midfield between defense and attack. two of them actually run into each other. I grab jamesy by the neck and throw him off the field. enough jamesy! I yell. this is how you do it. I stop training and show them some clips from the semi final against juventus. just do this lads, it's not hard. training starts again. I take holding midfield. I see B team centre forward blake acting a bit flash. I go in on him hard. just below the knee. I think. he wails. grow some balls ffs. he was out for 3 months after. he won't do it again. training ends. 0-0. disgusted. it was the under 7s, but still, you expect a certain level of commitment.
Super
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  #8  
Old 08-10-2014, 09:07 AM
polar bear polar bear is offline
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,538
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  #9  
Old 08-10-2014, 09:24 AM
Michael P Splonk Michael P Splonk is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 29,447
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Curious Lozenge View Post
"right lads, I said. A team are going to line up 4 2 3 1. B team the usual 4 4 2. blank faces from A team. the kind of face you had when you first tried long division. I drew it on the whiteboard. big circles. smithy, you go here, holding midfield, jamesy, you're in the hole. again with the blank faces. a hand goes up. what smithy? can I play midfield? are you deaf? I just told you, you're in the hole, attacking midfield. jesus wept. amateurs. we start training. headless chickens. the lads can't understand splitting up the midfield between defense and attack. two of them actually run into each other. I grab jamesy by the neck and throw him off the field. enough jamesy! I yell. this is how you do it. I stop training and show them some clips from the semi final against juventus. just do this lads, it's not hard. training starts again. I take holding midfield. I see B team centre forward blake acting a bit flash. I go in on him hard. just below the knee. I think. he wails. grow some balls ffs. he was out for 3 months after. he won't do it again. training ends. 0-0. disgusted. it was the under 7s, but still, you expect a certain level of commitment.
Qwality
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  #10  
Old 08-10-2014, 09:44 AM
polar bear polar bear is offline
 
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Posts: 6,538
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http://balls.ie/football/roy-keane-t...simply-superb/
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