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Old 20-04-2012, 09:27 PM
revalade revalade is offline
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Default help needed..no cheeky replies please

I have not had a dump since Monday and that was only a few rabbit's bobos...my belly is up like a drum and I am tetchy..I can't take that Senacot stuff as it gives me a dreadful sore gut....I have tried eating boiled cabbage,stewed fruit, syrup of figs, prune juice and fechin All Bran.... not even a decent fart....please, no stupid suggestions like sticking barbed things up my congo and raking them about ,or fechin curry enemas..I don't want to go to the doctor as I think he is a sewage canoeist and would be right into sticking the pinky with a cygnet ring on right up my delivery chamber...the other doctor is a slim 40 yearold with perky tits and I would be embarrassed to drop the kecks as I get a full dork every time I see her... also, most of my boxers are a bit faded and droopy.
Any natural remedies by mouth only please?
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Old 20-04-2012, 09:28 PM
Wallace Wallace is offline
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Beamish

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Old 20-04-2012, 09:28 PM
Persephone Persephone is offline
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You could have someone suck the shit out of your arse
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Old 20-04-2012, 09:28 PM
Michael P Splonk Michael P Splonk is offline
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might seem a bit unorthadox but have you considered setting up a facebook page?
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Old 20-04-2012, 09:29 PM
revalade revalade is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone View Post
You could have someone suck the shit out of your arse
fech you, I asked for sensible suggestions.. I am in dire fechin straights here.
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Old 20-04-2012, 09:35 PM
kh1152 kh1152 is offline
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Chemist for laxitives (sp).

Alternatively eat licorice but only a little.
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Old 20-04-2012, 09:35 PM
Persephone Persephone is offline
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Quote:
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fech you, I asked for sensible suggestions.. I am in dire fechin straights here.
It's probably colon cancer
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Old 20-04-2012, 09:37 PM
Jimmy the Gent Jimmy the Gent is offline
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I don't know if you're pulling the piss but natural laxatives would be grapes and citric fruit juices but seeing as you've already had prune juice it might be a little more serious. Keep drinking plenty of liquids because seeing as you haven't dumped since monday, when you do finally dump its going to be hard and dry and no doubt very painful to excrete. Fybogel is a good option if you decide to go to a pharmacy. Its light on the stomach and should do the job.
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Old 20-04-2012, 09:39 PM
revalade revalade is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jimmy the Gent View Post
I don't know if you're pulling the piss but natural laxatives would be grapes and citric fruit juices but seeing as you've already had prune juice it might be a little more serious. Keep drinking plenty of liquids because seeing as you haven't dumped since monday, when you do finally dump its going to be hard and dry and no doubt very painful to excrete. Fybogel is a good option if you decide to go to a pharmacy. Its light on the stomach and should do the job.
thank you Jimmy, a true gent
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Old 20-04-2012, 09:41 PM
Wallace Wallace is offline
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Originally Posted by revalade View Post
thank you Jimmy, a true gent


Just go out and have a lash of stout ffs .
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