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  #11  
Old 12-11-2003, 08:04 AM
chipsncheese chipsncheese is offline
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Location: blah de blah de blah
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To prepare for his big date, the young man went on top of the roof
of his apartment building in order to get a little color for himself.
Not
wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude.
Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and
managed to get sunburned on his "tool". Being very determined, the young

man decided not to miss his date because it was with a hot blonde. So,
he
put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze, feeling this
should resolve his painful situation. The blonde showed up for the date
at
his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home-cooked dinner,
after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the
movie, however, the young man's sunburned member started acting up.
After
several minutes of extreme discomfort, he asked to be excused. A friend
had
told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain so he
went
to the kitchen, and poured a tall, cold glass of milk. He then placed
his
sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief. The
blonde,
however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to find
him with his "Johnson" immersed in a glass of milk. With a look of
understanding the blonde exclaimed, "So, THAT'S how you load those
things".
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  #12  
Old 12-11-2003, 08:05 AM
chipsncheese chipsncheese is offline
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>>At the end of a tiny deserted bar is a huge Limerick
>>bloke - 6ft 5in tall and 350lbs. He's having a few
>>beers when a short, well dressed and obviously gay man
>>walks in and sits eside him. After 3 or 4 beers, the
>>gay fella finally plucks up the courage to say
>>something to the big man. Leaning over, he cups his
>>huge ear. "Do you want a blow job?" he whispers. At
>>this, the massive Munsterman leaps up with fire in his
>>eyes and smacks the man in the face, knocking him off
>>the stool, he proceeds to beat him all the way out of
>>the bar. Finally he leaves him, badly bruised, in the
>>car park and returns to his seat as if nothing had
>>happened. Amazed the bartender quickly brings over
>>another beer. "I've never seen you react like that" he says."Just what
>>did he say to you?" I'm not sure" the big Limerick man replies."
>>Something about a job."
>>
>>
>>
>>Q. If you see a Limerick man on a bicycle, why should
>>you never swerve to hit him?
>>
>>A: It might be your bicycle
>>
>>
>>
>>Q: What do you call a Limerick man in a three-bed
>>semi?
>>
>>A: A burglar
>>
>>
>>
>>Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Limerick?
>>
>>A: Because God couldn't find three wise men and a
>>virgin
>>
>>
>>
>>Q: What's the difference between a man from Limerick
>>and a coconut?
>>
>>A: One's thick and hairy, and the other's a coconut
>>
>>
>>
>>Q: What do you say to a Limerick man in a uniform?
>>
>>A: Big Mac and fries please
>>
>>
>>
>>Q: What's the first question at a Limerick pub quiz
>>night ?
>>
>>A: What you looking at?
>>
>>
>>
>>Q: What do you call a native of Limerick in a White
>>Shellsuit ?
>>
>>A: The Bride
>>
>>
>>
>>Q: Why does a river run through Limerick?
>>
>>A: Because if it walked, it would probably get mugged
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  #13  
Old 12-11-2003, 09:31 AM
boru boru is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2002
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Whats invisible and smells of bananas?




Monkey fart
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  #14  
Old 12-11-2003, 09:37 AM
PROClaimer
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why did people in afghanistan only listen to the radio?


















Because of the tellyban.



and no, i'm not gettin a fucking taxi. i'm gonna stay here till one of ye cunts laughs.
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  #15  
Old 12-11-2003, 09:41 AM
mouldydrunk mouldydrunk is offline
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Location: Tearing away like a tinkers shirt, hmmm haaaaaa
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Ha HA, now get into the fuckin taxi pronto!
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  #16  
Old 12-11-2003, 09:46 AM
PROClaimer
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TAXI!


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  #17  
Old 12-11-2003, 09:48 AM
chipsncheese chipsncheese is offline
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ive a very sick one here,i apologise for this now.

whats the best thing about flahing 27 yr olds???

there is 20 of them
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  #18  
Old 12-11-2003, 09:49 AM
PROClaimer
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chipsncheese
ive a very sick one here,i apologise for this now.

whats the best thing about flahing 2 7 yr olds???

there is 20 of them

ha ha fucking excellent my son.
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  #19  
Old 12-11-2003, 09:53 AM
What the Hell What the Hell is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Work land
Posts: 204
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A man was trying to cross an extremely busy road one day. There was no hope that he was gonna get across. Another man comes up to him and says: "there's a zebra crossing around the corner". Man number 1 then says: "I hope he's having better luck then me!"

Hilarious!
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  #20  
Old 12-11-2003, 02:41 PM
chipsncheese chipsncheese is offline
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Location: blah de blah de blah
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While I was "flying" down the road this morning (i.e., 10 mph over the
limit), I passed over a bridge only to find a garda siochalony with a radar
gun on the other side laying in wait. The garda pulled me over, walked up to
the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love,
asked, "What's your hurry?" To which I replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh
yeah," said the garda, "what do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," I
responded. The garda stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what
does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," I said, "I start by inserting one
finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then
with my whole hand in I work side to side until I can get both hands in, and
then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 foot wide." "And just
what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" To which I politely replied,
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge....." Traffic Ticket:
EUR95.00 Court Costs: EUR45.00 The Look on that Garda's Face: PRICELESS!!! >
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PROC Gig Guide
The Lee Sessions
The Oliver Plunkett, Oliver Plunkett St.

Tuesday 13th May @ 9:30 pm


PROC Gig Guide
The Saxy Lady Boys
Crane Lane Theatre, Phoenix St., 11:30 pm

Playground Of Dreamss,one Year Old
The Roundy, Castle St., 8pm

Peter Bruntnell W Guest:Clive Barnes
Coughlan's, Douglas St., 7:30 pm

Lumiere
Coughlan's, Douglas St., 9:45 pm

The Midnight Rambles
The Oliver Plunkett, Oliver Plunkett St., 12am

Andy Dunne
The Oliver Plunkett, Oliver Plunkett St., 10pm

Hothouse Flowers
Cork Opera House, Emmet Place, 8pm

Pixie and the King
The Woodford, Paul St., 9:30 pm

Ld Blues Club Jam Night
The Corner House, Coburg St., 9pm

Open Mic with Mark Daly (The Voodoos)
The Grafton, Oliver Plunkett St., 9pm

Lynda Cullen - Paper Boat Album Launch
The Pavilion, Carey's Lane, 8pm

Nod
Bru, 9:30 pm

The Lee Sessions
The Long Valley (Winthrop St), 9:30 pm

The Lee Sessions
The Long Valley (Winthrop St), 9:30 pm

The Lee Sessions
The Ovens Bar, Oliver Plunkett St, 9:30 pm

The Lee Sessions
An Spailpín Fánach, South Main St., 9:30 pm

Potted Potter - The Unauthorised Harry Experience
The Everyman, MacCurtain St., 3pm

Potted Potter - The Unauthorised Harry Experience
The Everyman, MacCurtain St., 7:30 pm

Lara Marlowe and Peadar King – World Book Fest 2014
Triskel Arts Centre, Tobin St., 8:30 pm

We Were There
Cork Arts Theatre, Carroll's Quay, 8pm

'The Emotive Wartime Journey'
Tactic, Sample-studios, 3rd Floor, Former Governme, 1pm

Drink & Draw
The Franciscan Well, North Mall, 8pm

My Education, My Future
James Barry Exhibition Centre, CIT Bishopstown Cam, 10am

Views: An Exhibition By Elisenda Caamano
The Beggarman, Gillabbey Street, 6pm

Ballet Intense with Andrea Palacios
Firkin Crane, 11am


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