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  #1821  
Old 14-06-2019, 07:49 PM
La sausage La sausage is offline
 
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Had a threesome with a couple of anorexic birds last night.

Two birds, one stone.
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  #1822  
Old 15-06-2019, 10:15 AM
Duffs Duffs is offline
 
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  #1823  
Old 15-06-2019, 10:59 AM
Dr. Aaoouh Dr. Aaoouh is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by La sausage View Post
Had a threesome with a couple of anorexic birds last night.

Two birds, one stone.
I’m sorry to hear that you’re missing a testicle.
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  #1824  
Old 17-06-2019, 12:39 PM
Dr. Aaoouh Dr. Aaoouh is offline
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The Wide World of American Sports

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
“I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.”

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first..”

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skin’s say:
“I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,”
Matt Millen of the Raiders said: “To win, I’d run over Joe’s Mom, too.”

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
“He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings..”

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann:
“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh :
“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes..”
(Now that is beautiful)

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
“You guys line up alphabetically by height..”
And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.”

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
“Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ..”

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
“That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
“He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”

11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
“My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt. (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)

12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
“I asked him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’
He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’”

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D:
“Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford:
“I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious.”

15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips,
Phillips responded: “Because she’s too ugly to kiss good-bye.”
__________________
Her eyes were like the stars, not because they twinkled, but because they were so far apart.
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  #1825  
Old 05-07-2019, 11:06 AM
La sausage La sausage is offline
 
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Two Mexicans have been lost in the desert for weeks. At death's door, they see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer, they see that it's draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon: smoked bacon; crispy bacon; life-giving, nearly raw, juicy bacon... all sorts of bacon. "Hey, Pepe," says the first Mexican, "ees a bacon tree!

We're saved!" So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree. As he gets to within five feet, he's gunned down in a hail of bullets.

His friend drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe! Pepe! Que pasa hombre?" With his last breath, Pepe calls out, "Ugh, run, amigo, run, ees not a bacon tree, ees a ham bush."
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  #1826  
Old 05-07-2019, 11:56 AM
Lee Bushwacker Lee Bushwacker is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by La sausage View Post
Two Mexicans have been lost in the desert for weeks. At death's door, they see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer, they see that it's draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon: smoked bacon; crispy bacon; life-giving, nearly raw, juicy bacon... all sorts of bacon. "Hey, Pepe," says the first Mexican, "ees a bacon tree!

We're saved!" So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree. As he gets to within five feet, he's gunned down in a hail of bullets.

His friend drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe. "Pepe! Pepe! Que pasa hombre?" With his last breath, Pepe calls out, "Ugh, run, amigo, run, ees not a bacon tree, ees a ham bush."
😎
Funny for "Trumpshites" I imagine! 😏
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  #1827  
Old 17-07-2019, 09:02 PM
La sausage La sausage is offline
 
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My mate set me up on a blind date. He said "She's lovely lass but there's something you should know. She's expecting a baby".

I felt a right twat waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy.
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  #1828  
Old 18-07-2019, 08:22 PM
La sausage La sausage is offline
 
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  #1829  
Old 19-07-2019, 12:19 AM
La sausage La sausage is offline
 
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Went to a fancy dress party dressed as a breadcrumb

Birds were all over me
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