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  #11  
Old 08-10-2014, 10:00 AM
shez1987 shez1987 is offline
 
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So I was over in Montenegro doing a bit of TV work. For some reason I wasn't get any managerial offers at the time, which I couldn't really understand after my stint at Ipswich. The England game finished 0-0. After the game I got caught at the bar talking to Lee Dixon. The guy was seriously doing my head in when I saw Chilsey walk in. I made a bee-line in his direction and left Dixon on his own.

Now Chilsey is a fat cunt, never kicked a ball in his life, but he is worth a few bob and he knows a lot of people in the industry. I wanted to keep the guy sweet so I asked him if he wanted to go to Dublin and watch the All Ireland Final Replay that Sunday between Cork and Clare. He said yeah and off we flew to Dublin. I was going anyway but at least this way, ITV would pay for all the flights and stuff. If I was subjecting myself to Lee Dixon and Wrighty, it was the least they could do.

I got the tickets from a business contact back home. I was really looking forward to it. It was my first time seeing the Cork hurlers since the 2006 Final when they blew it, even after my inspirational speech. When I got inside the stadium, I couldn't believe the amount of day-trippers and glory-hunting idiots in their Munster and Premiership jerseys. The prawn sandwich brigade all over again. Easy to know you would never see some of these wankers at a League game in February.

Anyway Cork lost and I was understandably gutted. Chilsey was loving the atmosphere but i just wanted to go back to the hotel. He convinced me to stop off in a pub on the way back to the city centre. I played nice and said I would stop off for a couple. The first pub we walk in to and it was rammed with Cork and Clare supporters shaking hands, sharing rounds and the like. Chilsey couldn't believe how well-behaved everyone was. I just wanted to get out of there. Some langer started up with a rendition of 'De Banks'. In my head I was like "you are just after losing an All Ireland Final and you want to start singing fucking songs". I had enough and left Chilsey there. I got back to the hotel and ordered a ham and cheese sandwich from room service. I checked my mobile to see if there were any messages from my agent on any job offers, but there was nothing.
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  #12  
Old 08-10-2014, 10:04 AM
jeepers jeepers is online now
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Still on page 1 and already this is the best thread in years.
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  #13  
Old 08-10-2014, 10:04 AM
jeepers jeepers is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Michael P Splonk View Post

I couldn't take it anymore and launched at him. 'Take that? You cunt'.
Brilliant.
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  #14  
Old 08-10-2014, 11:01 AM
Rebelred Rebelred is offline
 
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It was during a particularly bad winter, the lads were getting ready for the first round of the cup. I knew they were ready, I'd seen them in training a few days beforehand and I knew they were sharp, ready to get stuck into those fuckers. The team we were facing had been going well in the league, I knew we were up against it, but you could sense the lads were right, some of them hadn't been out since the previous Saturday in prepartion. I'd had to rearrange some things for this game, personal things. I Had to get a neighbour to walk Triggs, she didn't really like the neighbour but the old dear needs her exercise when I'm not around.

I got a phonecall from one of the coaches on the morning of the game, it came as a bit of a shock to me to be honest. "Roy,the match is off." Couldn't believe it to be honest, "What the fuck do ya mean the match is off Pat." "It's off Roy, the road to Whitechurch is frozen, we can't get to the pitch". "Off, over a bit of fucking frost, did the council not salt the road, who's responsible for that Pat". "Nothing we can do about it Roy, Whitechurch is fairly high up and it snowed last night..." "Tell me ye had the pitch covered Pat"... "Well, no, not exactly..."

I'd had it in for Pat since he dropped me at u12 for a challenge game against Castleview, I'd had enough now so I fucking tore into him. He'd given his life to Rockmount, maybe I went over the top, maybe I didn't, but I couldn't hold back now.

"It's fucking amatuerism like that Pat that has this club where it is. Fail to fucking prepare I always tell ye, every time I come back for one of those fucking chats, which ye still haven't paid me for, fail to prepare, prepare to fail, remember me saying that Pat? Course you fucking do, ya gomey bollox. Do ye need me to fucking paint it onto the wall for ye. I'm after fucking flying over from Manchester just to come watch ye, give a bit of moral support and ye can't even get the fucking pitch right" I hung up on the prick.

The game went ahead a week later and they lost 4-0.
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  #15  
Old 08-10-2014, 11:09 AM
Carmona Carmona is online now
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FOR a long time I used to go to bed early. Sometimes, when I had put out
my candle, my eyes would close so quickly that I had not even time to say
"I'm going to sleep." And half an hour later the thought that it was time
to go to sleep would awaken me; I would try to put away the book which, I
imagined, was still in my hands, and to blow out the light; I had been
thinking all the time, while I was asleep, of what I had just been
reading, but my thoughts had run into a channel of their own, until I
myself seemed actually to have become the subject of my book: a church, a
quartet, the rivalry between François I and Charles V. This impression
would persist for some moments after I was awake; it did not disturb my
mind, but it lay like scales upon my eyes and prevented them from
registering the fact that the candle was no longer burning. Then it would
begin to seem unintelligible, as the thoughts of a former existence must
be to a reincarnate spirit; the subject of my book would separate itself
from me, leaving me free to choose whether I would form part of it or no;
and at the same time my sight would return and I would be astonished to
find myself in a state of fucking darkness, pleasant and restful enough for the
eyes, and even more, perhaps, for my mind, to which it appeared
incomprehensible, without a cause, a matter dark indeed.
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  #16  
Old 08-10-2014, 11:10 AM
Jinky Jinky is offline
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Pro-am golf. Fucking roped into it. "Charity for the homeless" they said. Fucking homeless. Just not willing to put in the effort to get a home. Same old scene. Caddy arrives. 16 fucking clubs in the bag. There's Jimmy floyd Hasselbank. I bet he's not using these fucking sand wedges. Wonder what amateur they've paired me with this time. Not Montgomery I hope. The man-titted cunt
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  #17  
Old 08-10-2014, 11:20 AM
The Curious Lozenge The Curious Lozenge is offline
 
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adding steve's from the other thread for posterity

Quote:
Originally Posted by steve sanders View Post
it was late september and the weather was still good. theresa wanted to have a few people around the house for a barbeque. i never understood barbeques - fucking waste of decent meat. but i said i'd do it for theresa.

i tried to think who in the sunderland squad i could invite over but i couldn't come up with anyone.

i phoned michael and told him i couldn't have any of these lads around my house. they didn't deserve it. michael said i should pick one of the older guys who wouldn't embarrass himself.

i went for danny higginbotham. we'd been at united together though i'd never spoken to him. shithouse player but would never let a winger beat him.

i respected that.

i called him into the office. we'd just won a carling cup game in colchester and higginbotham came in late on their winger early in the second half - some young kid with ideas above his station - and he had to be subbed off. danny picked up a booking but it was more than worth it as we saw the game out easily after that.

'so danny, how was training'?

- good gaffer, i feel in decent shape. is something up?

'yeah i thought you were going a bit easy in there. i was watching on the cctv. we've a big game this weekend and i can't have any slacking off'.

- do we have a problem roy?

'it's gaffer or mr keane yeah? no problem danny, you're ok. the wife is having a barbeque on sunday and i'd like you to come along'.

this was a big deal for me. i didn't like opening up in front of players, especially poor players. but theresa comes first.

- thanks gaffer but i can't. i'm taking my daughter to the cinema.

the fucking cinema. i didn't even ask him what movie. fucking movies are a waste of time. i dropped him for the next six games.
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When did Italy become a Latin country?
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it's about time they made this similar to the 7s and broth in a bowl, plate, shield to give teams more gams.
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  #18  
Old 08-10-2014, 11:32 AM
Happyhonkaman Happyhonkaman is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jinky View Post
Pro-am golf. Fucking roped into it. "Charity for the homeless" they said. Fucking homeless. Just not willing to put in the effort to get a home. Same old scene. Caddy arrives. 16 fucking clubs in the bag. There's Jimmy floyd Hasselbank. I bet he's not using these fucking sand wedges. Wonder what amateur they've paired me with this time. Not Montgomery I hope. The man-titted cunt
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  #19  
Old 08-10-2014, 11:48 AM
Jinky Jinky is offline
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And here he comes. Yeah yeah, lap it up you grinning prick. We'll see if you're smiling from ear to ear when I snap you like a twig tomorrow. I hope for your sake you've got insurance. The room's gone quiet. People are staring at me and blinking slowly. This was a regular occurrence. Sometimes my inner monologue got out, sometimes it didn't. Oh well. Now at least he'll have insurance.
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  #20  
Old 08-10-2014, 12:01 PM
Some user Some user is offline
 
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Erupting like a LOLcano here lads. Top bantz.
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